Sunday, November 04, 2007
Dear LL,
This is a letter for you and is the last. I think what you’ve written on your blog about me is really mean.
If you ask me do I think I am in the wrong? I would still give the same answer I don’t think so. If it’s just about the text seriously I have already explain why. It’s not as if I do it on purpose. I am really busy with my school and it’s troublesome to log in online to text especially it signs me off after a period of inactivity say about 10 min or so. I don’t text you randomly to ask how you are and all. But think back, every time you say you have some problem. I’ll text you to ask you more about it and that’s how the conversation goes on. In fact if u are visibly upset or troubled about something (think back about that guy issue you talk to me) I’ll text you the next day or so to follow up on it. Although it’s the only time I did it but I dare say I’ll do it again if needed. But the point is if you don’t text me on your own and tell me about it, I’ll assume you are ok and happy. Is this mentality wrong? Neh I don’t think so, it’s just that you think you are right and I think I am right. You are the only person in my whole mobile list that I text the most every since I come to Australia. Your messages occupy about 90% of my inbox. And I don’t even text Cheryl. If I see you online (which is rare) I’ll always msn you. And you know I always sign in as busy so if anyone is online I won’t be notified. And in fact there are a few times you either chat with me halfway and not reply…or just go offline without explanation or that you didn’t reply. But I don’t really mind because this is just you I assume and I can deal with that. Not that it doesn’t bother me at all (in fact I do think it’s a bit rude to do so) but I feel this is a small issue that is not worth fighting over for. And that our friendship means much more than trivial issues as such. I have my issues over here and sometimes I do feel so lonely and all. But I don’t really complain much or talk about it because I feel this is a phased that I must endure. It’s not like as if I don’t cry about it. And I kept asking you to come online so we can chat but you always need to go out or something and I can respect that so I wasn’t angry or pissed off when you didn’t.
At times whenever I go to a new place or see something wonderful, I’ll think how great it would be to have you and Cheryl right beside me. Then we can experience this together. You said you love jigsaw puzzle and ask me to send you one when I am here. I can’t send you because it will cost quite a lot to send something that big over. But I can tell you this, every time when I go shopping on my own, I’ll always keep a lookout for jigsaw puzzle. And I finally found the perfect on that represent Australia the best (which is practically a koala photo).I didn’t tell you cause it is suppose to be your birthday present. I didn’t tell you all these feelings because I though you’ll understand. I thought our friendship has reached a level where even if we don’t talk much, we’ll still think of each other.
And honestly I am angry when you told me or give me the impression that you are angry with me. Because as what I have said above I feel very wronged. I did promise you to text you at least twice a week and it’s true I did not do it. I certainly feel that this is a too small of an issue for you not to treat me as a friend anymore. If it’s that case…and if I am worth less than a small promise broken then I don’t think our friendship can go very far. Maybe it’s better for both of us to stop here and only remember the best we had.
About what you have written in your blog, I think I need to clarify something. What he told me is that you are very down and depressed and you told him a lot of very private things and that you are getting married and he said if you still matter to me I should text you and ask you about him. At the same time he made me promise not to tell you anything that he had said. I feel I should honor that because firstly he didn’t talk bad about you in the conversation so I feel you don’t need to know and secondly if he has being so nice to tell me about you being down and need concern, all the more I should keep what he said a secret. Because it’s all out of goodness. I don’t know if you ask him to test me or that he did it on his own. Either way it’s bad because if you ask him to do so I’m angry and disappointed at you. I hate it when people test me or do this kind of stupid thing. Which you did when you were drinking…..you weren’t along and you told me you are. Do you know I was quite worried about you being alone and drunk. There are two things I hate in this world that is being tested upon and being lied to which you did both. You should know I dislike this yet you do it all the same. And if he does this on his own accord, I am pissed off at him and you because what right do both of you have. What right does he have to test me and the fact that you believe what he said and not bother to come find out from me pissed me off tremendously? And I text you that night to come online because I want to know what is bothering you but I just don’t know how to start especially when you are still angry with me. And honestly what he told me that day angers me more but despite all these I know I’ll regret it if anything really happens to you. Simply because you matter to me and I know the anger will just subside someday. But you twisted my goodness and substitute it with your own thinking.
I feel that I have stand by you all these while and even back then when we are not even really close I always bother to find out what’s in your life and your troubles. Ask yourself honestly haven’t I always been by your side for the past three years. If you feel this doubtful and uncertain about me and this friendship then I think we should both walk away from it.
I feel unappreciated, hurt, betrayed and tired. If you want to know more …ask Eric about it. But I feel my time has come and this is just not meant to be after all. So this is it….goodbye ll.
And always remeber this is what you wrote about me....
" You know, there's one night, i was really surprised that "someone" would msg me to come online. in fact, i was a little afraid cos i thought something had happened to her. So when i reached home, i immediately went online... to find out that i fallen into a trap.how nice of you to help a guy to betray me... *clap clap* best fren? whatever.i can't believe i said that last sentence.You know what a "best fren" will do? a best fren will tell me ALL about it and asked me what really happened. not keep me in the dark and play along with the guy, get it? Eric told me everything. This is what a LOYAL friend will do. Not like you... acting as if, "oh, how's life?"actually.. just whatever lah. dun wanna waste my space on my blog for this. not worth it."
Y 10:58 PM
