Monday, February 28, 2005
haven't being updating my blog for like thousands of year...yes my fellow reader...ta-da new post again.yay...okie be serious...
thousands of things happen to me and cause u noe i'm kinda lazy to type everything out i shall do it in the style i like-uh huh point form is back again.yay!
1)i kinda like this guy like a month ago but recently i am like doubting my feelings for him...because so many things happened.and it kinda shaken my faith that i used to have in him..maybe i idealise him too much that i see him as i wanna be and expect him to do what i think is the typical behaviour towards me.And so i've decided to give him up..besides it's like he hasn't do anything to assure me or probe me to go further.
2)things has happen between me and my frds but in the end everything works out just fine....lili,stell,xiu xia,eric and cheryl will noe wat i mean.
3)my temper hasn't being really good these few weeks so pardon me ya..and thanks everyone for bearing it with me...sometimes i might be really temperamental at times or make a fuss over little stuff but i just wanna let you guys noe deep down inside i love you guys and i appreciate everything that u have done for me.
basically i feel that it has being a tiring month with so many emotional thingy happen to me...it's okie because coming to march it will be a new month and a new beginning for me cause i wanna drop everything that has happen to me during that period of feb..
Y 11:39 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
- "We consider species to be like a brick in the foundation of a building. You can probably lose one or two or a dozen bricks and still have a standing house. But by the time you've lost 20 per cent of species, you're going to destabilize the entire structure. That's the way ecosystems work."- Donald Falk, Christian Science Monitor, 26 May 1989
- "Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you... while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."- John Muir
Jacques Deval, Afin de vivre bel et bien
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
Marv Levy,
When I was twelve, I went hunting with my father and we shot a bird. He was laying there and something struck me. Why do we call this fun to kill this creature [who] was as happy as I was when I woke up this morning. - We do not see nature with our eyes, but with our understandings and our hearts. William Hazlitt "On Taste" (1859)
- If future generations are to remember us with gratitude rather than contempt, we must leave them more than the miracles of technology. We must leave them a glimpse of the world as it was in the beginning, not just after we got through with it.President Lyndon B. Johnson
- Stop for a second and smell the roses, think about what nature means to you. Think about how the natural world as you have known it has changed in your own lifetime. Think about the changes to come, and your children and grandchildren. Endeavor to pass that awareness and concern on to others.
The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing that stands in the way. Some see nature all ridicule and deformity … and some scarce see nature at all. But to the eyes of the man of imagination, nature is imagination itself. William Blake (1757–1827), English poet, painter, engraver. Letter, 23 Aug. 1799 (published in The Letters of William Blake, 1956). - The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles. Anne Frank (1929–45), German Jewish refugee, diarist. The Diary of a Young Girl (1947; tr. 1952), entry for 23 Feb. 1944.
- Kill Nothing but Time...Take Nothing but Pictures...Leave Nothing but Tracks...
- There is a way that nature speaks, that land speaks. Most of the time we are simply not patient enough, quiet enough, to pay attention to the story
- How cunningly nature hides every wrinkle of her inconceivable antiquity under roses and violets and morning dew! ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Y 2:17 AM
I feel so extremely guilty over the things i said on the phone.I don't mean to do that.Sometimes i wonder by doing that am i just stating my views or badmouthing ?Is there even a guideline or even a clear cut of what is badmounthing and what is not?I always do wonder what kind of person i am and how people see me.Am i like the rest-who are born good naturally...I mean i could be evil without realising it myself....i'll never know for sure right.Sometimes i don't really like to talk about people because i might badmouth them unintentionally and the guilt will come in.When i harbour evil thoughts i'll feel so guilty and condemn myself totally...but why is it so that when i see people doing that i don't condemn them at all...in fact sometimes i even go like oh that is just human nature and i don't blamn them at all for doing and feeling that.seriously i don't know why...i feel that it is much more ok for others to be doing that then myself.i just feel that if i do that, my sins are like time million of theirs.but it is so weird because i am not religious so i don't care about heaven or hell.it is just a mystery and so bizzare.And i feel that even if they do harbour evil thoughts, people will always understand and forgive them but for my case people won't....i don't really believe in myself...althought sometimes people always say lilin i think you have low morale and my standard answer would be haha no la...but deep down inside i know it is true.i am scared to admit because i don't want to appear vulnerable to others. i want to look like i am able to do things for myself and i have confident and i am not someone you can push around.I always tend to follow the crowd if it isn't really against my taste,interest and principals because i don't wanna stand out and attract attention.And i feel safer if i can melt away in the background because i have everyone to back me out.And i blush if like all eyes are on me even if they are the people i know.so it was really hard for me to present in class at the start.and plus i am the kind that reacts to what i think people feels.i'll start to let my imagination run really wild and let that affect my action and speech.i am weak and believe me it takes me a lot of courage to face all these and what i have type today is really something that i've never did before.And i have this secret thought-that everyone hates me or dislike me.
Y 1:47 AM
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Seriously I think I am turning into some kind of like matchmaker or something like that. I always like help couples to patch up. Do u think I have the like i-so-wanna-help couples look or maybe I give out the vibe? It isn’t a bad thing of course and it’s always nice to see couples who deserve each other to get back together. But I don’t know…sometimes helping others for this case makes me feel a bit lonely. And it makes me wonder will anyone do that for me if someday I have the same problem. Darn I sound so pitiful but of course I am not. Anyway today Xiao hsin and Li Li was like quarreling totally. And both of them cried in front of me without each other’s presence. So I had to pacify both of them…honestly I think they need to have a heart to heart talk. And that means go straight to the source of their problem instead of going around in circles. Honestly speaking I feel that if they don’t have that heart to heart talk, sooner or later they are gonna get sick of quarreling and just wanna break up. And if they wait until that day, nothing can salvage their relationship. And if after the talk they still continue to fight like this…I will strongly recommend them to break up. I know this is mean so I dare not tell anyone about this. But I feel that if one day things really go that bad there is no point to stay in that relationship. Actually it is an art to advice both parties because sometimes the line of what is to be said and what should not be said is blured.And what I think is appropriate for them might not be what they have in mind. Of course I can pretend that I care or I can just say things like aiyah then what to do, dun fight and all that sorta stuff but I wanna put in my best effort .I don’t wanna regret about this in the future.
And I hate to see any of my friends being sad or unhappy because they will affect my mood. I can’t help it because I get influence by other’s emotions very easily. Sometimes it is hard to deal with all these but they don’t even know. They don’t understand. Today is lili tomorrow is eric and the next is stella etc.It is really hard to deal with it and I am trying hard to think of some ways.
Anyway I chat with E today about lili’s stuff(that maybe he can give good advice) and about this problem..He gave some very good advice and very realistic too.He is really a very lovely guy and I own him so much.he is always there for me when I need someone to talk to and he don’t judge.He helps me without a motive and that is total loveliness.This is not the first time I trouble him and yet he is really cool about it.And when I always apologise to him for troubling him he will always put that smiley face and say no problem at all.I don’t know how I can repay this back to him but I don’t think he need my help too.we are kinda at different level if you know what I mean ya.but I am happy the way we are right now.
Y 1:34 AM
Thursday, February 03, 2005
It was supposedly to be a good day today yet it was spoilt by them.Never mind the good part first and later the bad part.
seriously i think benny is darn humourous and he has this certain charm.Ok just in case people are wondering again...no! i shall emphasize ONE MORE TIME i am no interested in him in that kind of way.Althought he is really lame and can be childish,I can see that he is doing all that for our sake.And he is seriously smart and he think about almost everything everytime.He is someone that i can respect.And he was like hinting to us(our group) that he would like to see us injecting more enthusiasm during the presentation.Ok i admit totally that i wasn't really professional while presenting(i was kinda like sitting down on the table and scratching my leg while explaining the slides).But seeing his face just makes me wanna r&r.And today i was really sleepy today cause of my flu..so basically just wanna chop chop everything.But on the whole he is a really fun guy to talk to.There are times when i go totally huh when he says some certain stuff and he refuse to repeat or further explain things.seriously man it always happens to me..i always go huh and the others will go nvm i gif up or they'll say nothing.Why eh?Benny is a really mature being with his own sets of firm belief and thoughts.He is always thinking and wondering about things.oh yah btw he was like saying :blah blah(somthing that i didn't quite catch but he dun wanna repeat them again) and he said this: wan cheng told me everything about you.so how is u and that. and i go like huh don't bluff la how u noe her..dun rubbish. he goes: i am not bluffing.if so how would i know her name right. i go: huh wat did she say about me?is there even anything to say about me? he then shake his head and give that dun-noe-wat-is-it smile and said nvm...MEOW??????
ok so now for the bad part.it is really tiring to be fighting everytime and i am someone who hates to fight.everyone is sending email to each other explaining things.can everyone stop saying sorry and crying?it is so depressing.i thought i could be happy today but all this sort of thing is burdening me again.i dun tell them because already they are burdened with all their troubles.i don't get it...it is suppose to be a small thing but it got blown way out of proportion.is it so energy draining.i dun even bother to explain things they said about me in the email.if they continue like this i dun even wanna be in this friendship anymore.if this is what we all gonna go through everytime(all the crying,sorrys,quarrelings,ignoring etc), i will tell them i dun wanna be friends with them anymore.friendship no doubt needs compromising but u can't expect me to compromise to such extend surely.everyone is like fighting with each other or with their own boyfriend and it is like becoming such a burden to me.i dun noe how to deal with their stress because i can't possibly leave them alone but if i care i'll feel their burden too.i don't even know what i should do because either way i am doom to feel sad....tired really tired of all these.
Y 11:35 PM
Am i really that weird?I just happen to have different taste and think a bit differently from everyone.But do they have to condemn me this much?Why can't they just accept me for who i am and leave me and my ideas alone?sometimes i don't even wanna talk so much because whatever i say they'll tend to misinterpet it.I don't want the world to see me because i don't think they can understand~iris.if i don't speak, people thinks that i am difficult to live with.But if i do and do it trufully,they'll judge me harshly.i wanna go away to some place where nobody knows my past and don't care so much...i can't always take this sorta strain..i feel it too yet i do not express it out...if u cut me and i do not bleed does that mean it do not hurt?must you see things right before your eyes before you believe it?why don't you use your heart to see...somtimes heart enables clearer vision than eyes.i don't think i hurt anyone with my thoughts so i don't see what is wrong with it.why do people want to change me.don't they have something else better to do?i am myself not anybody else. respect me for me and not for what you think i am.i am neither innocent nor evil...i realise things and i know it yet i do not have the grace of saying it out.Do not act like you know me because you don't at all.Don't try to impose ur ideas on me..they are urs to keep for i will not appreciate you for that.to earn my respect you got to stop being so contridicting...follow what you preach.think back of the things u did and tell me how else can i trust u again.
like a fallen leaf
withered and torn
not meant to be missed
people stepping on and across it
forgetting it's true beauty
for they only see what is in front of them
never looking back at the past to appreciate it
Y 1:36 AM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
i had tennis training yesterday but it wasn't like any other training....we were like caught cheating the after lesson strenthening exericse for like from the start...So he heard news from dunno who and he was like totally disappointed with us .Apparently we were suppose to run around the school track but we've being cutting across the basketball court everytime saving like about 100 m/ round.So we had to come out with this plan to salvage his reputation and the tennis reputation.We've all decided to like stay true to the following training and make an apology to all the tennis players on friday.Yeah so i actually felt quite ashamed of myself.Oh yeah and we have to like call the rest up to inform and ask them about the friday meeting.And theo was like so shock to like recieve my call...and i think i sacred jane and kang yang too...hahaha..And jeff and lenard ask hey how come theo got your hp no and i said cause she ask me..and they went why she ask you and i go dot dot dot and haha.But yesterday was a semi happy day because finally i am not like depress anymore and good things happen to me ..haha..and i think johny is the source of my trouble all along.sigh i am having the module that i hate most...yes bingo it's progamming...yucks and there she goes...there she goes again..nagging and nagging again and again...i am so gonna block her out.eek i better pay attention...she is watching me with her hawk like eyes..blog later..tata
Y 8:38 AM
