Monday, May 16, 2005
middle( a photo frame i 'borrow' frmmy sis)the greenish dino( i bought it on an impluse...well it is cute but still it really replusive wen it juz start to sprout intially but really it looks cutter now)the candle beside(both from ikea tat i bought ages ago but only start to use it recently..it calms me down and it looks so pretty not to mention it gives out a berry smell that is sweet)
Y 12:26 AM
so into candles...it helps to calm me down and possibly achieve a higher state of balance.very very zen
Y 12:23 AM
Saturday, May 14, 2005
pic3-the comparision pic
Y 10:33 PM
pic 2
Y 10:28 PM
argh stress ahhhh
Y 10:27 PM
Fishermen working in Antarctic waters have made an extremely rare catch a colossal squid with eyes as big as dinner plates and razor-sharp hooks on its tentacles.The 330-pound, 16-foot specimen was caught in the Ross Sea, said Steve O'Shea, a research fellow with the Auckland University of Technology. He said the squid was a young female; adults are much bigger.
Y 10:25 PM
I don't know where this particular child is located -
but she (he?) can represent all starving children everywhere.
This is as low as humanity goes - punishment of the totally innocent.
http://www.flatrock.org.nz/topics/terrorism/north_koreans_eating_human_flesh.htm
Y 9:47 PM
On March 26, 1993, the New York Times published a picture that was soon to be in newspapers all over the world: an emaciated Sudanese girl, almost dead of starvation, and a vulture waiting behind. The photographer was Kevin Carter, born September 13 1960 (from Britannica Book of The Year 1995) in Johannesburg. After receiving the Pulitzer Prize, Carter killed himself on the night of July 27 1994 in Johannesburg, around 9 p.m.
Seeking relief from the sight of masses of people starving to death, he wandered into the open bush. He heard a soft, high-pitched whimpering and saw a tiny girl trying to make her way to the feeding center. As he crouched to photograph her, a vulture landed in view. Careful not to disturb the bird, he positioned himself for the best possible image. He would later say he waited about 20 minutes, hoping the vulture would spread its wings. It did not, and after he took his photographs, he chased the bird away and watched as the little girl resumed her struggle. Afterward he sat under a tree, lit a cigarette, talked to God and cried. "He was depressed afterward," Silva recalls. "He kept saying he wanted to hug his daughter."
Y 9:31 PM
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Your Birthdate: June 3
- Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
- The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.
- You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
- Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.
- You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
- You are affectionate and loving, but sometimes too sensitive.You are subject to rapid ups and downs.
Y 9:23 PM
Monday, May 09, 2005
I am dying inside. I really am. Bit by bit I’ve lose interest in living. I can no longer find any motivation to be alive. Things just went downhill for me and I am at a point that I feel nobody cares about me anymore. I know that it isn’t true and just that people don’t care the way I want them to it doesn’t mean they don’t. But then why do I feel this way so strongly. It is contradicting that I realize things yet I am denying it. Do I feel that sometimes people love to torture themselves subconsciously to fight for attention or to make them feel loved again? I certainly do.
I can’t hold things back anymore and should really state what I feel inside. I shall complain and heck care so much. Please do not be offended if you see your name in the list down there. Just understand that I need you guys to understand and I can’t do that without expressing it. If you are offended then you aren’t worth being in my life. But just understand this I can’t be miss goody two shoes all the time. I have my limit and my temper too. People just don’t treat me seriously and trample across me when I am too nice. Nice people always get taken advantage and for granted and I am sick of it really. I am really naïve and stupid to think that people will always appreciate me for those but no. So enough is enough.
Eric-I really don’t know if I should treat him as a close friend like before or just a friend or even just a classmate. I was so excited and happy when I know that we are going to be in the same class. And I finally thought to myself finally me and him can become closer and this must really be a chance given by god, a sign that he wants us to be closer. But no. He doesn’t talk to me much and he doesn’t even want to join us for breakfast anymore. Eric you ask yourself are you really that busy or you don’t even make the effort to have breakfast with us anymore? The first week I was still hopeful and understand but when it came to the second week something inside me died and I no longer care anymore. That is why you don’t see me asking him to go eat or whatever.
LiLi-I don’t even know what is happening to you. I don’t ask you what is wrong anymore because you don’t tell me anything. What is the point? I am not going to beg you anymore. And realize that I don’t talk to you much. Ask yourself have I not tried hard enough. You know my style. I don’t force people but I do show them I care and want to try. And if I don’t get that respond back I will just leave. I am not desperate for anything and I never want to hold on so tightly to the things that don’t belong to me.
Stella-you are always Carl here and Carl there. It is always Carl first then us. You can’t do this to us you know. I swear that even if I have a boyfriend in the future I won’t be like you. You are treating us like some second class citizen and Carl is like first class citizen in your eyes. We did nothing wrong to you yet there are time Carl did. So why do you treat us less than Carl. It isn’t far isn’t it? You could at least try to eat with us more. You know that you can try harder but you don’t want to.
I really want to thank Cheryl and xiu Xia for staying with me throughout. They have being a great source of strength to me. I can tell who really care and who just care for the sake of caring. Don’t try to deceive me anymore because I am not doing that anymore to myself. I know definitely I am going to make people cry or angry but just because I don’t cry too doesn’t mean I am not hurting inside. People please stop looking at the surface of what I am and look deeper inside of me. I am elusive and difficult to comprehend but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. I just need more attention and you people to show me that you guys truly want to understand me before I can open up. It is very frustrating and I am at my wits end already.Argh argh argh!!!!
I think I am really over him. I kind of complain that he has being aloof to me for no reason and demand an explaination.He then says that is his attitude and he has being really busy and don’t really keep in contact with people generally. And then he said we don’t have anything to talk about and I am always asking him how is his day and everything and said even his mum don’t do that. So I retort back saying that at least I try and he is the one who cause the conversation to die out. So he said fine I will try too and hope you see it from my point of view as well. Well after talking to him yesterday online(nothing special did happen actually like normal chat) but I don’t know why it suddenly dawn on me that I shouldn’t be hopeful and give him any more chance. He isn’t worth it at all. On the account that I have being so nice to him and all that that he only give back like 50%.Now you guys know that I like everything to be fair and square especially in any sort of relationship. Well now you must be happy huh.I am going to leave you alone and you are just going to get what you deserve. Honestly I feel it’s a mistake to let me go.Okie I hope I don’t sound so egoistic over here but I sincerely do think that its ur boo. It is really going to take more than sorry and all that to get me to your side again. And even if you don’t it doesn’t matter anymore.
And my modules are getting harder especially java. I am getting stress out already and will never forgive myself if my gpa goes below 3.0.I have so many things to catch up and I already am resenting the monotonous 1st meeting 2nd meeting 3rd meeting rj peer evaluation and uts.I absolutely hate it. I am just sick and tired of doing the same thing again and again and I feel I am suffocating over here. I can’t breathe and everything seems so stale and common. I am not in control of my life and events and things are controlling me. I don’t even know if I am enjoying myself and my life. I am fake and shallow and meaningless and fat and ugly and dirty and stupid and boring v boring. I should go and die or something like that isn’t it.
I can’t hold things back anymore and should really state what I feel inside. I shall complain and heck care so much. Please do not be offended if you see your name in the list down there. Just understand that I need you guys to understand and I can’t do that without expressing it. If you are offended then you aren’t worth being in my life. But just understand this I can’t be miss goody two shoes all the time. I have my limit and my temper too. People just don’t treat me seriously and trample across me when I am too nice. Nice people always get taken advantage and for granted and I am sick of it really. I am really naïve and stupid to think that people will always appreciate me for those but no. So enough is enough.
Eric-I really don’t know if I should treat him as a close friend like before or just a friend or even just a classmate. I was so excited and happy when I know that we are going to be in the same class. And I finally thought to myself finally me and him can become closer and this must really be a chance given by god, a sign that he wants us to be closer. But no. He doesn’t talk to me much and he doesn’t even want to join us for breakfast anymore. Eric you ask yourself are you really that busy or you don’t even make the effort to have breakfast with us anymore? The first week I was still hopeful and understand but when it came to the second week something inside me died and I no longer care anymore. That is why you don’t see me asking him to go eat or whatever.
LiLi-I don’t even know what is happening to you. I don’t ask you what is wrong anymore because you don’t tell me anything. What is the point? I am not going to beg you anymore. And realize that I don’t talk to you much. Ask yourself have I not tried hard enough. You know my style. I don’t force people but I do show them I care and want to try. And if I don’t get that respond back I will just leave. I am not desperate for anything and I never want to hold on so tightly to the things that don’t belong to me.
Stella-you are always Carl here and Carl there. It is always Carl first then us. You can’t do this to us you know. I swear that even if I have a boyfriend in the future I won’t be like you. You are treating us like some second class citizen and Carl is like first class citizen in your eyes. We did nothing wrong to you yet there are time Carl did. So why do you treat us less than Carl. It isn’t far isn’t it? You could at least try to eat with us more. You know that you can try harder but you don’t want to.
I really want to thank Cheryl and xiu Xia for staying with me throughout. They have being a great source of strength to me. I can tell who really care and who just care for the sake of caring. Don’t try to deceive me anymore because I am not doing that anymore to myself. I know definitely I am going to make people cry or angry but just because I don’t cry too doesn’t mean I am not hurting inside. People please stop looking at the surface of what I am and look deeper inside of me. I am elusive and difficult to comprehend but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. I just need more attention and you people to show me that you guys truly want to understand me before I can open up. It is very frustrating and I am at my wits end already.Argh argh argh!!!!
I think I am really over him. I kind of complain that he has being aloof to me for no reason and demand an explaination.He then says that is his attitude and he has being really busy and don’t really keep in contact with people generally. And then he said we don’t have anything to talk about and I am always asking him how is his day and everything and said even his mum don’t do that. So I retort back saying that at least I try and he is the one who cause the conversation to die out. So he said fine I will try too and hope you see it from my point of view as well. Well after talking to him yesterday online(nothing special did happen actually like normal chat) but I don’t know why it suddenly dawn on me that I shouldn’t be hopeful and give him any more chance. He isn’t worth it at all. On the account that I have being so nice to him and all that that he only give back like 50%.Now you guys know that I like everything to be fair and square especially in any sort of relationship. Well now you must be happy huh.I am going to leave you alone and you are just going to get what you deserve. Honestly I feel it’s a mistake to let me go.Okie I hope I don’t sound so egoistic over here but I sincerely do think that its ur boo. It is really going to take more than sorry and all that to get me to your side again. And even if you don’t it doesn’t matter anymore.
And my modules are getting harder especially java. I am getting stress out already and will never forgive myself if my gpa goes below 3.0.I have so many things to catch up and I already am resenting the monotonous 1st meeting 2nd meeting 3rd meeting rj peer evaluation and uts.I absolutely hate it. I am just sick and tired of doing the same thing again and again and I feel I am suffocating over here. I can’t breathe and everything seems so stale and common. I am not in control of my life and events and things are controlling me. I don’t even know if I am enjoying myself and my life. I am fake and shallow and meaningless and fat and ugly and dirty and stupid and boring v boring. I should go and die or something like that isn’t it.
Y 12:58 AM
Sunday, May 08, 2005
The Keys to Your Heart
- You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
- In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
- You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
- You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
- Your ideal relationship is lasting.
- You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
- Your risk of cheating is zero.
- You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
- You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
- In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
Y 4:02 PM
Friday, May 06, 2005
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
hi lilin... can send mi yr 3 biochem ppts pls?
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
sosorry to bother u
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
huh
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
i diuj haf eh
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
really?
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
u dun save one ar?
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
year 3?
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
erm, paiseh
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
i mean your 3, not year 3
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
but i am nt bms student eh
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
u not meh???
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
ya...
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
then?
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
sit...
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
dun bluff...
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
i know u r SAS one...
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
..............
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
wat makes u think so?????
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
coz i nv heard u tell mi tt u r SIT...
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
I all along got e impression tt u SAS leh!!!
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
wah ????
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
serious????
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
.....--__--lll
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
die lar i gt nerdy look is it
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
can't believe it! u r SIT...
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
no lah... u got e smart look...
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
wahahha i take it as a compliment
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
it's like in sec sch, we always like to say which fren got e 'triple-sci class' look... u noe wad i mean...
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
haha
meow meow: sometimes u might haf this feeling but u can nv be sure of it... says:
oooo
dEaD eMoTiOnAlLy N mEnTaLLy... tImE 2 bUcK n StEp OuT oF cOmFoRt ZoNe... says:
u got e science face leh, not IT face
Can you believe this?It's weird...Die...bms student look....i think i look too boring and nerdy already.Smoke ar, dye green my hair, den makeup ar......................=(
Y 10:07 PM
Sigh I am feeling really terrible now…And being feeling nothing but negativity all day long. I read the chat log that I had with him and really do wish that we were that close like last time. It’s the feeling of disappointment, puzzlement and helplessness that really makes me want to cry. I’ve being a good friend and I dun think I did anything wrong. And even if I did I have already apologies for whatever wrong I did. The truth is I do like him and I thought I don’t. But after talking to alarice just now it just made me sad and all that.
It really sucks when a person tries to be close to you and when you’ve develop feelings for them and then they walk away leaving you to deal with the rest yourself. Sometimes you might meet someone you think it’s possible to be with you too. That sort of feeling and you are so sure it is a sign. But then in the end, you discover things aren’t going that perfect and situation force you to give up. Then what is next? How do you cope with it? I’m always thinking if there is anything more I can do, anything more to make him like me more. But at the same time I dun wanan pressurize him at all. And that I respect him as an individual. Maybe we both cannot really communicate well-I don’t understand what he is thinking of and he don’t understand why there are some issues that is trivial to him that I treat it so seriously. I’ve give up trying to connect with him and he had walk away long time ago. It has become clearer and clearer to me now that we are incompatible…I don’t know if he does that purposely or that things just happen between us at the wrong moment and the odds were against us from the start. Maybe a part of me still hopes for some miracle but deep down inside if I strip away all the liking I have for him I know it’s impossible. Do I not want to see the truth or do I hope too much? But why am I still so stubbornly holding on to a false dream? And the most terrible thing is that when I truly want to give up he’ll make moves that surprise me and that makes me want to hold on more. I don’t understand what he wants and I just feel that he is under stress so he just tends to ignore it totally and choose the easy way out-ignoring the whole matter until it change back to normal. Maybe he is unsure of his own feelings for me?
And I am under so much pressure when I hang out with Leonard and Justin. But I don’t want to act different just because people gossip about me and them. I thought I can do it but it has becoming increasingly difficult. Maybe it doesn’t matter much to others or the average but I just don’t like the feeling of people always putting me with who and who together. It just makes me feel so flirty and so low. And I never did yearn for such attention. It bothers me more than makes me proud. Maybe people can never understand how I am actually feeling and I can’t say I am sick of rejecting guys and being link to guys because all these seem pretty rosy in the eyes of average people. But I am really. I just can’t understand why people can never see me being just purely friends with guys. And rejecting people makes me depress so I am kinda scared when the guys that I don’t have feeling ask me out or be their gf. And I don’t know why but I am scared of Justin that is because he seems so pushy and it makes me resent him. That is why I really don’t feel like talking to him or whatever. Maybe I feel the pressure from him. It’s the way that he looks at me, talks to me and the things he do for me makes me feel that he still like me after so long ad I am scared. So I am avoiding him. But I can’t let much people know this because they’ll just think that I’m being paranoid and refuse to see my side. But no matter what if he makes me feel uncomfortable then I should walk away from this situation and do as I wish isn’t it. Maybe it’s selfish of me to do all these to him but I really cannot deal with him right now…I have far too much things going through my mind and sadness overwhelms me. And the things is that I realize that Leonard is much nicer to me when it’s just me and him only which is a relief to me because I swear sometimes he gets on my nerve. Guys are bundles of trouble and I am always rejecting those who like me and going after guys that don’t like me.
It really sucks when a person tries to be close to you and when you’ve develop feelings for them and then they walk away leaving you to deal with the rest yourself. Sometimes you might meet someone you think it’s possible to be with you too. That sort of feeling and you are so sure it is a sign. But then in the end, you discover things aren’t going that perfect and situation force you to give up. Then what is next? How do you cope with it? I’m always thinking if there is anything more I can do, anything more to make him like me more. But at the same time I dun wanan pressurize him at all. And that I respect him as an individual. Maybe we both cannot really communicate well-I don’t understand what he is thinking of and he don’t understand why there are some issues that is trivial to him that I treat it so seriously. I’ve give up trying to connect with him and he had walk away long time ago. It has become clearer and clearer to me now that we are incompatible…I don’t know if he does that purposely or that things just happen between us at the wrong moment and the odds were against us from the start. Maybe a part of me still hopes for some miracle but deep down inside if I strip away all the liking I have for him I know it’s impossible. Do I not want to see the truth or do I hope too much? But why am I still so stubbornly holding on to a false dream? And the most terrible thing is that when I truly want to give up he’ll make moves that surprise me and that makes me want to hold on more. I don’t understand what he wants and I just feel that he is under stress so he just tends to ignore it totally and choose the easy way out-ignoring the whole matter until it change back to normal. Maybe he is unsure of his own feelings for me?
And I am under so much pressure when I hang out with Leonard and Justin. But I don’t want to act different just because people gossip about me and them. I thought I can do it but it has becoming increasingly difficult. Maybe it doesn’t matter much to others or the average but I just don’t like the feeling of people always putting me with who and who together. It just makes me feel so flirty and so low. And I never did yearn for such attention. It bothers me more than makes me proud. Maybe people can never understand how I am actually feeling and I can’t say I am sick of rejecting guys and being link to guys because all these seem pretty rosy in the eyes of average people. But I am really. I just can’t understand why people can never see me being just purely friends with guys. And rejecting people makes me depress so I am kinda scared when the guys that I don’t have feeling ask me out or be their gf. And I don’t know why but I am scared of Justin that is because he seems so pushy and it makes me resent him. That is why I really don’t feel like talking to him or whatever. Maybe I feel the pressure from him. It’s the way that he looks at me, talks to me and the things he do for me makes me feel that he still like me after so long ad I am scared. So I am avoiding him. But I can’t let much people know this because they’ll just think that I’m being paranoid and refuse to see my side. But no matter what if he makes me feel uncomfortable then I should walk away from this situation and do as I wish isn’t it. Maybe it’s selfish of me to do all these to him but I really cannot deal with him right now…I have far too much things going through my mind and sadness overwhelms me. And the things is that I realize that Leonard is much nicer to me when it’s just me and him only which is a relief to me because I swear sometimes he gets on my nerve. Guys are bundles of trouble and I am always rejecting those who like me and going after guys that don’t like me.
Y 1:08 AM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Winson is such a faker and i totally detest him.A dirt on the floor waiting for people to trample upon.And you know what all along u said u've be acting not like your true self in front of people cause u are scared of being hurt.Well good choice totally because if u had shown your true self nobody would have talk to u u scum.All along he has being lying to me oh yeah to those who dunno what is happening let me um explain before i start scolding again.I know winson through leonard and at that time he was using leonard's computer and so started to scold f*uck.And he tried so hard to apologise to be after knowing i'm a girl but of course i am so not impress.Well after like aplogising for a day or so i am like ugh watever lar.And we kinda start talking and den he introduce me to know his god sis and i talk to his god sis like almost everyday telling her stuff and all that...and he told me yesterday that him and his god sis is the same person.All along he has being using the other identity to praise himself-saying tat he is popular with girls n saying he has being rejecting girls.And it gross me out totally to think of that now because let me tell you seriously he is freakin ugly(jie long's range).I am soooooooo bloody happy and proud of myself for not agreeing to be his gf in the first place.Well anyway he is too ugly to my bf and i think it's true what my friends said: ugly people have ugly character.So all along he has being lying to be like even from the very start.And how dare he said that it isn't really his fault claiming that he has being dropping hints all along to tell me that him and amanda(his non-existence god sis)is the same person.And he actually have the nerve to get angry with me when i told him i can never talk to him ever again.Ask him to go and die ....seriously why is he wasting the earth's resources to be living.And he still has the decency to act high and mighty saying people always misunderstand and accuse him...acting so ke lian...i am far too darn navie to believe him.I am truly truly too trusting and stupid and blind sometimes.And i told my friends about it they were so angry and disgusted and gilbert was like saying f*ucker,bastard,piece of shit and all that and sheryldine was l
ps (ugh my rest of the post gone...i'm lazy to type again )
pps(leonard is really getting on my nerves these days)
Y 12:31 AM
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
i haven't being blogging much for the last few um weeks? or it is days? whatever~.The thing is sometimes i am just too lazy to type all my blah blah.Anyway i wonder do people actually visit my blog?But i am sure they do just that they are like me-always reading but never bother much to leave a message.Now i finally understand why people love to have tagboard in their blog.Everyone wants to be well liked or that the things they write being acknowledge.Yes and i am like any other human beings so *ahem ahem* u guys should know what to do right(big grin).I went escape theme park with leonard and justin today(actually we were planning to cycle but had a change of mind) and guess what i saw xiu xia and the two friend that i always see on photos with.And know what her indian friend say i am chio.Muahahahha that'll teach xiu xia not to underestimate me...always complaining about my looks right..hohoho obviously someone has goooooddddd taste...Eat this!Um wait okie xiu xia is ACTUALLY saying i look more chio....and she said she just came online to tell me this...Wait this is like the very first time she like praise me like after one year plus.....This feels kinda weird n mmm very very suspicious indeed...Oh well nvm..it's a compliment and i am feeling happy already...lalalalalala i am on top of the world....blah blah.Oh wait i went a bit off....yea so the thing is that her friends look friendlier in real life than photos.Um get what i mean...it's like sometimes u've got to see how a person speak and behave in real life to get hold of a better perspective of that person.Yeah so why is she hanging out with her friends and ignoring me?Bor jio me to escape also....=( Boooooooo lar.Haha kidding lar...I understand....=)
I saw some quotes a day ago and just to share over here before i give my 2 cents of worth
- The worst thing is when ur falling in love with the person falling out of love with u
- Maybe we only obsess over relationships that feel unfinished
- He is standing right here yet I miss him so... he means nothing to me but I can't let go
- Sometimes you have to let go of a person to find out if there's something to hold on to.
I can identify with those quotes and think everyone can too at some point of time in their life.Too often we took lust for love and not saying there is anything wrong but in the end only you yourself will suffer.And we are always chasing after people that we cannot get and rejecting people that fancy us.We always have this concept that the grass is always greener on the other side.And maybe at some point of the time i ask myself that why am i holding on to something that isn't worth my time.I think i got the answer that i've be searching for the past three month from here.I think i've got to learn to understand that things don't and can't always go my way and i have to respect people's decision.I was on the mrt and all of a sudden that it dawn on me that i am a bit of a control freak.I like to be in control and gets kinda frustrated or agitated when things don't go the way i anticipate it to be.After all these years...why have i only realise it till now.I made life difficult for myself while all along i thought that people hate me and purposely want to put me down.But no...the greatest enemy a person have is only himself.And i have being neglecting my self spiritual development for far too long..I haven't being doing much intellectual stuff so i actually feel kinda like stupid and useless.So yeah,besides i got to start paying more attention to classes especially java (which i really CMI!!!).Die lar...time to pull up my socks already.Life is gonna get really hectic for this week due to the cca open house.Groan...=*( that is what happens when you get too ambitious and join four cca's...anyway i am planning to drop weiqi though it pain me...But i really really truly have no time for it..nature ig and tennis and drama is soooooooo time consuming already...Unless i can be at two place at one time so there really isn't enough 'lilin' to be around...Tomorrow is java...so i better sleep early...nightsssssssssss
ps( did i mention that i am totally addicted to like sad love quotes because they inspires me and makes me feel better...does it sound weird?haha.)
Y 12:39 AM