This is Gemma Ward

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Ok where did I stop at...oh yah the part where I lament that I am going to spend the rest of my life unmarried, unloved and miserable. And I have strong evidence to back up this theory of mine .Have a look and you’ll know why.
1st) I haven’t had a boyfriend before at all
2nd) I kept rejecting all the guys
3rd) I don’t even really know what I want
4th) erm and some other stuff that I can’t remember but as fatal as all the above reason.
See…there you have it…true confession of mine. Totally pathetic, unbelievable but true. I think I should invest in more pets to keep me company. I’ll be like all the old ladies I read in books that will be stroking their pet, rocking on a chair, sipping chamomile tea and looking outside the window and reflecting on their past. Oh lord, I can almost imagine myself doing that.Ok I got to stop scaring myself…think happy thoughts. Breathe in and breathe out….positive thoughts, smile smile smile and be happy. Isn’t there this some sort of saying that goes like this: when life gives you lemon make lemonade with it. Yup that is just the attitude I shall adopt!
Shufen wrote something that is really comforting to me : ‘as 4 ur love life,I can c tt you’re nan ren yuen is still as strong…although its empty bt ni de sheng min zhong you hao duo guo ke..it’s kinda gd as well becos as each of them reacts or behaves differently, u can learn or rather ‘detect’ e different types of guys..& ultimately you will know wd type of guys u really like & e different character they carries’ I think what she says really make sense and I haven’t being able to think of it in this aspect before.I always find it a bother and loathe those guys that likes me but maybe I should really see things from what she says. And by thinking like this I am already feeling so much better and lighter already. Shufen has her way of pacifying me when I worries too much and it does bring a lot of comfort to me.
Oh yah before I forget I wee li lin pledge to be happy from this moment onwards. Why you might ask…simply because I don’t wanna grief anymore and beside I wanna make myself easier to live with for others. It must have being really difficult for them to deal with all my emotional outburst time and time again. I put myself in their shoes and I frown(yes my facial muscles works again).And I believe that if you feel unhappy , you’ll some sort affect what the others feel when they are around you….i call it the negative chi. And don’t laugh ok because I read it in some fengshui book(although I don’t agree much with it except the negative and positive chi part).
Everyone around me seems to be so happily attached and I dare not admit to anyone that I am very very jealous of their happy relationship. But of course I am really really happy seeing them so blissful. Seeing love in the air makes me wanna fall in love and be attached too…But with whom? I can’t find anyone that I love and I definitely don’t want to compromise in any ways .Everyone says that I am far too picky and I should really lower my standards because what I want I can’t find it in anybody .Although I kept telling them ah rubbish I am so not picky but deep inside my heart I have this nagging doubt that maybe I am really too picky. Maybe…..maybe only. I don’t know man. I really don’t. For years I have being thinking about this and really I haven’t being able to come up with an explaination.Jixuan (my another best friend which I place her at the same level with shufen) once told me that I will never be satisfied with normal guys and living an unexciting life is what I fear most…she is half right half wrong….I want a normal relationship but extraordinary in ways that only me and him knows .i can have a boring relationship but it must be mentally stimulating, exciting to us in our own way. It sounds so easy and achievable but honestly speaking with my zero experience, it is really hard. It is just the same logical as trying to be as honest as possible every time even at the expense of putting yourself at a disadvantage position. I wrote in my reflection journal to my culture and communication facilitator:’at the age 12, I made a pact with myself to stay as true as possible to everyone around me or pass by my life. I want to be as honest I can to others even though sometimes I might hurt myself in the process.’ Being honest seem so easy but if you have tried it with all your heart and soul you’ll realize how hard it is to keep this promise. There are times where I really struggle and was so darn tempted to give up. But I think I’ll never forgive myself if I intentionally lie to others and hurting others. I just don’t want to live this world someday regretting that I have made someone unhappy, upset or miserable when I can help it. And a lot of things seem so easy to achieve actually isn’t at all. We just take too much things for granted and not appreciating it as a whole.
I feel that sometimes that we give each other too much pressure…neither are we neither forgiving enough nor caring enough. Sometimes we are just too scared to step out of our comfort zone…but we need to be bold sometimes…we shouldn’t deprive ourselves of opportunities and possible future just because of our coward ness.
No matter how much I say on the surface that I dislike human behaviors deep down inside my heart I know that every human beings has a good heart inside them somewhere. I see goodness in everyone because I believe in them all.
.

Y 11:49 PM

It is another day at work and every Saturday morning it’s the hardest. I absolutely dread to go to work but after Saturday when I kinda get used to it, Sunday comes easy to me. Everytime I’ll have this urge to quit and every Friday night I will tell myself oh tomorrow I am so gonna tell Mr lee that I want to quit. But when Saturday comes I’ll always tell myself I shouldn’t quit. That is isn’t right for me to just walk out on Mr lee like this.He gave me a job during my last holiday and that basically helps me kill my boredom totally.And everyone there takes care of me a lot. That I really don’t have the heart to quit just like that.Maybe I will quit someday….someday when I have a good enough excuse(and not just plain laziness which I am feeling now) then I’ll do it….For now…I’ll stay around and help him out.Besides he is training me to be the host and the previous host(Leena) is leaving already for her career.Although everyone tells me that not every one can be a host and it is a pretty prestigious post but honestly speaking I don’t enjoy being a host.I have to greet and smile at every customers that walk in and guide them to their seat(which I allocate) and there is planning(of the seats and turnover) to do.Then I’ll chop the kids menu ,cut up the mustache sticker,write dates,listen to phone calls,take reservations,refill the tooth pick bottle,refill the crayon box ,keep the display desert in the fridge and refill the candy box.Yup that is all I have to do when I am the host…and most of the time I will be just standing there staring in space and dreaming when there is no customers.It gets really really boring sometimes and how slow the time passes where there isn’t much customers.My lord! Every minute seem like hour and every hour seem like days….Time passes much faster for a server than for a host. sometimes when my collegure are really busy and I want to help out but I can’t.I am not suppose to leave my post and do other stuff.I tried doing that a few times and mr lee got kinda angry.He told me I should order the others to do things even when customers raise up their hand and ask for things.Intitally it was really really hard for me to stay put at my position because it just seem so unnatural.But now I have custom to it already.I love to be a runner but I’ve only being a runner thrice….time passes soooooooooooo much faster and plus it’s more fun and you don’t have to entertain the customers much. I find it so difficult to be a host especially when I am in a not so happy mood. Because I have to force myself to be chirpy and smile. And there are times when I force a smile and I look darn weird cause I’ll be frowning and forcing my lips upwards. I just look plain weird but hey~ at least I try to act happy right.I just seem to be in such a moody period and I get bouts of depression time to time…..I am scared of myself…I don’t even really fathom why…Anyway I hate myself when my collegue says things like hey why do u get special food and we can only eat the normal stuff and I will always reply because I am a vegetarian and I can’t eat what you guys are eating for it contains meat.I am sick of explaining but I am angry with nobody but myself.You see, for the staff meal they can’t choose what they wanna eat.Instead,the chef will choose for them.But for my case,the chef will always come over and ask me what I would like to eat and then I’ll tell him what I feel like eating that day.And sometimes I feel people resent me a little for this so call privilege. But if they are a vegetarian,they get to choose it too and besides I was already a vegetarian when I work there.So it isn’t a scheme to like milk the staff meal for all it’s worth.Like for an example: tonight’s staff meal, everyone ate chicken mushroom spaghetti and I ordered mushroom bread.Lin Jin and some other staff over there ask me hey how come you get to eat such good staff, you paid for it?And I was like a bit embrassed and I said um nope this is like staff meal and I ordered it.So they went orhz.And alex came over to me and say: haiyoh you really good life man, get to eat whatever you want. Everyone dotes on you lah.And I just kept quiet and finish it as fast as I can before more people can make any comment.And it’s like everytime the other server send the food over to me, they’ll say things like: oh only our miss here have the privilege to order special food, they go like only she has the fortune to eat special stuff or they’ll say like :this is for our da xiao jie one the rest cannot touch.I know they are totally joking but it is really embarrassing for me everytime they say this.I really don’t welcome such attention then I went to the point of compromising.For lunch staff meal when they have already cooked before I even step in to work, I will normally eat before I report to work so that they don’t have to cook another extra for me or if I don’t have the time to eat before I report to work,I will pick out the prawns and chicken before eating the noodles. I am already compromising and there are times where I rather go hungry and buy my own food than trouble them.So basically I am trying to tone everything down and keep it low low low.But on the whole everyone is really nice and caring towards me so I do enjoy working there.Anyway the weird thing is that dinie and alex kept saying that I hate them which is so not the truth.I really don’t hate nor do I even dislike them.And dinie was like saying this to me when I went behind to empty the plates: hey lilin why are you ignoring me. I am really sad and I am being serious about this. Me: huh no..did i?when it’s busy I don’t really stop to smile or whatever he:no it’s like even when we are off you don’t talk to me much too and I always have to talk to you first. As for alex’s case, he will always say : lilin xiao jie ni hao and I will sometimes tend to ignore that when I am busy or I’ll give a half smile to acknowledge it.I really don’t dislike them and I don’t meant to be rude or ignore them. but when I am busy and stress, I don’t smile and I can’t make myself smile so I look dao and fierce and pissed which actually I am not. Maybe I can’t handle stress with a smiley face but that is just the way I am. in fact I frown a lot when I am concentrating or thinking really hard. I frown and look fierce and dao when I am alone. My facial muscle are made to be like this…I can’t help it o.K. get what they are feeling and why. I mean I’ll think that person hates me if every time I talk to him/her she’ll/he’ll be frowning and ignoring me. But I don’t know how to change myself to make myself look more friendly.I guess maybe I have to smile more and make that extra effort to comfort dinie and alex when at work.Okie so from tomorrow onwards, I will try to smile as much as I can…it’s gonna be a smile smile day tomorrow..yippe.
I use my resting time to reply shufen’s letter and her letter this time really makes me smile because somehow I feel that she is happier this time round compared to last time. She has problems that I cannot solve it for her…it has to all depend on herself and with time she’ll be able to manage just well….she is a strong person and she is really someone I really love her a lot. We have being together since secondary one and I really treasure all the moments and time I spent with her. I admit I didn’t used to treasure her that much and I am always complaining that she is always too busy for me. And I even accuse her a few times that if she really cares she would have make time for me. I even went to the extend of wanting to break away from her and it made her cry for days. Looking back at all my childish and spoilt manner, I do somehow regret what I have done to her. But if I had not done all that, I wouldn’t know how much she meant to me nor will be having this strong friendship now. I know deep down my heart that she is definitely someone that I wanna keep forever and ever in my life (this I can promise her).I know that she will always be here for me no matter what and I truly treasure her a lot. And she has my love and support in whatever she do for a very very very long time to come. I told her a few times that no matter how many new friends I made and no matter how close I have become to them, she will always have a special place in my heart which nobody can substitute. She always have give in to my outburst, tolerate my childish ways, spoilt me in everyway she could and be there for me when I need her. There are times when I really hurt her with my nonchalant attitude but I think in so way or so I have also change for her sake. I have change to become a lot more sensitive towards her needs and accommodate her whenever I can. We used to be pulling in different directions but now, we work together towards the same direction and things has became a lot rosier for us ever since then. I can really visualize spending my remaining days with her by my side but I mustn’t think of such morbid thought. Because I know she wants to get married and have kids and have a happy family of her own. I hope she do because she deserve happiness more than anyone I know including myself. I shouldn’t drag her to spend the rest of her life being a
Bachelor girl like myself …..It would be too selfish. Oh anyway I’ll definitely get to be her kid’s godmother and I can play with her kids when I’m bored and alone and….ok I am definitely thinking way too far. I should stop already. But seriously I can so visualize myself to remain single for the rest of my life till the day I die…I am doom to be alone…I can feel it already. I would love to get married someday and have a few kids but ………..it can’t be done…oh maybe I should become some sort of matchmaker….you know since that I can’t have happiness I should help others to achieve that happiness….it’s just sad, really really sad.Oh dear look at the time…I really got to sleep now…gotta work the whole day tomorrow. I’ll continue tomorrow...Tata and night.Zzzzzzzzz

Y 1:43 AM

Friday, January 28, 2005

life is soooooooooo boring and i'm like soooooo unproductive today.I don't know why but i am just not in the mood to do any work.I am already in the weekend mood.
liu hu is just like beside me and honestly she look darn blissful.And weirdly enough she seem to have this radiant glow in her that she never had before.or maybe i'm thinking too much...But i think she is really truly happy in the relationship....her nick will go like : i regret not going to jc,i regret not knowing you earlier,xiao hu love jun something....hahaha.haiz and i went out to eat with lili n xiao hsin stella and carl....another two really happy couple....seriously why do everyone seem to be attatched nowadays....it is soooooooo weird.so lucky.....

Y 1:24 PM

Thursday, January 27, 2005

i have decided to remove all my photo in friendster and put something else up there....because 1st) i am sick of my photos 2nd)it's like fun to put celebrities or ur own pet photo.
And what is wrong with people man.I always get a lot of this don't know from like how many million years ago. somebody: wat is ur name. me: lilin sombody: oh my god are you wong li lin.
seriously it is soooooooooo stupid and my teacher made that same joke when i was like secondary two.seriously who said that lilin must go with the surname wong. why can't i be like tan ,teo,liu or watever?it's one of those mysteries in my life that is unsolved.
And i hate it when people write my name as liling....argh minus the g pls.I don't know why but everyone loves to add a g to my name....anyway i like the name natalie...it sound so....heavenly.
And I have spent $10 a day in school....my god there goes my saving plan.I am telling you i am so gonna save up starting from tmr onwards.And i shall pledge to spend only $4/day in school....And then when i have a lot a lot of money i'll.........mmm i think of how to spend it next time.
i've recieved a letter from shufen and am soooooooooo excited.
today's rj q really kills me....seriously benny,do u want us all dead...take a look and u'll cry too.(Do Question 1(a) and (b). 1(a) explain why SARS did not come back last December (50words). 1(b) Why are pigs not infected by H5N1? (50 words) For Question 2 and 3, just hoose ONE. (2) Decode this statement - “the rooster's crow does not cause the sun to rise” by relating to epidemiology (50 words) (3) Discuss the scary side of epidemics with reference to specific examples (list 3 examples). (50 words) )---totally inhumane...
i am doing this book list and i have a few books in my list right now. 1st)any book of sylvia plath 2nd)vanity fair 3rd)finish up my "can you keep a secret" to be continue.....
i am so addicted to new radical's you've got the music in you.
i dun like it when people say this . me:i dun believe in sex before marriage .they: huh why aiyah why u so old fashion . me:............... seriously man isn't it like totally my business?i mean it's not like as if by believing that, the world will come to and end or whatever so.
my cat is geting bolder and bolder these day...it actually pounce on me at every possible opportunity.hey hello~~~i am the master here and he is suppose to be the slave...but why do i feel that our roles have switched?And my cat is darn greedy. you see ar....it used to sleep beside my pillow and it is super satisfied but then......things are different nowadys.....it stretch it's whole body horizontally and not vertically so i don't even have like enough space to put my pillow....it is a darn greedy and selfish cat.
life is getting really boring for me......i must go look for something fun to entertain myself
tmr is problem solving and i'm going to die once again....i better do my ppt properly because he'll sure to ask a lot a lot a lot a lot of question...
yawn lazy to type already....

Y 10:00 PM

People can be so bloody stupid and narrow minded.It just puts me off totally.Fahmy told me today that his class thinks that i dress too revealing and seems to like to flaunt and so bitchy.And it has being going for quite some time(i mean their gossip).i dun even noe his classmates except him and benny man.I didn't even provoke them or watever.intially i did thought of wrapping myself totally up for school but later on i got kinda angry.Why should i change my dressing cause of them.Short shirt and v-neck is revealing?i don't think so.Seriously majority of my clothes are v-neck and skirt.And so what.I like leh...lalalalala.And i asked around for comments that if i really dress too revealing and this is their comment.
1)dian-huh no dun care about you
2)huda-huh no la they dun even noe you man
3)lili-no la they got nothing better to do
4)sheryldine-huh no la
5)gilbert-no u dun dun care abt them i think u dress sweetly
6)eric-no~oh the monroe style ar(refering to my skirt)
7)benny koh-haha no la.dun have
8)justin-not really only got once ur skirt kind of short but only that time
9)xiu xia-no la oh maybe ur blue top a bit revealing but nvm cause my frds also say i am revealing
10)cheryl:huh they crazy?
So basically everyone says no....they got problem man.It's so weird that they pick on me to talk about.I told fahmy a lot of other girls also wear short skirt and he reply: "don't have i don't see one.they hurt my eyes." then he ask me not to care about them and he'll 'take care" of them..haha thanks man fahmy,thanks for sticking up for me=)So now i am like in a lalalalalala spirit.hohoho
I seem to be not so close to sherlydine they all these days...I don't really know what happen but i guess it's because she is back with her group of friends and we both are so busy everytime.Instead weirdly me and theo has being chatting quite a lot online and i'm like telling her about johny and my life and she does that too.And we almost like see each other ard in sch and on the bus.I mention to her that i like her smile and she don't believe.haiz~She seem fierce and stern to be at first but after talking to her she is like nice and all that.Seriously i still think xin wen and vincent look so alike and despite asking them so many times i still get them mixed up...it's complicating.Theo seem sooooooo bliss and i am really happy for her...I always get so excited and happy for my friends when they are so blissed in a relationship.I don't know why..it is really weird but it'll actually brings a smile to my face and those smile comes from my heart.Ok i better stop it before i sound like a total weirdo.
wan cheng-i really like her.she has a sense of humour and she is really a fun person to be with...she always without fail makes me laugh even when she is not trying..haha she is really a great person.And i am very very determined to help her with hehe u-noe-who and i am like devising a plan to help her reach her target.but so far nothing really good comes out from my mind.And she curse those that gossip about me by saying they'll have bad karma..haha she is darn funny and ingenious.seriously that stupid guy would have being totally blind and stupid if he don't like her .
last but not least..johny is disguesting a damn stalker and he better not sms me or even try to call me six time in a row.idiotic man him.i hate him.
oh yah i think guys like benny koh are totally cool and desirable.Dun get it wrong i dun like benny koh but i think my future boyfriend must possess the traits he has-like a smartbrain
yawn yawn gotta do my rj now...

Y 5:50 PM

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Sometimes I want to shout to the whole world how lucky I am to have you as my friend but sometimes I want to hush...afraid that somebody might take you away from me.
I almost forget how to smile from my heart...life is so hard to get pass day by day.
You call me your friend.....but how come you won't comfort me and hold my hand?!
sO.. thANk yOuu -} fOrr shOwiing mmE --»thAt beST fRiiendS cANnOt" be trUSteD\ anD thANk yOu..-- fOrr lyiing tO mE-> yOuR fRiieNdsHiip//and gOod tiiMes wE hAD..yOu caN hAVe eM back
It just hurts so much losing friends; I don’t know how much longer I can keep the rest of them
If you want me out of your life all’s you have to do is say so.But be warned once I leave I wont come back.So make sure its what you want.
~im srry if i just can't understand you...im tryin, but part of being a gud friend is tryin to see my side as well~
I noe u were there i cld feel ur warm breath on my neck, i turn 2 face u.......but ur not there!
I have forgiven, but not forgottenIm sorry u hate me, im sorry im not good enough.. but i cant keep doing this.. i have to say good bye!!
"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go."
I am who i am not who you want me to be . . im not changing for you
Sometimes being a good friend comes with an unbelievably painful price...
I had a friend once, but the rope broke, and he got away
A friendship is like a four leaf clover, hard to find but lucky to have.
Don't try to break the rules of friendship when you don’t know what its worth.
Every one deserves a second chance, but what if they ask for a 3rd, 4th and 5th chance, do you give it to them??
Don't read my label......Check the ingredients.
.:sometimes you have to let go:..:of the one you love:..:to find out if there is really:..:something there:.
.:best friends are the ones:..:that see the hurt in you eyes:..:when everyone else is:..:fooled by you smile:.
.:Letting go hurts way to much.... i use to think that by letting go i was a failure just giving up and wasting my time...but now i have realised how much i will lose if i keep holding on to something that never was and probably never will be:.
Its funny how you can grow away from your friends when, just a few moments ago, they were the most important people in your life."
I have so many secrets and so many lies, I think that is what I'm made of, secrets and lies.
I have lots of friends. its a shame that not one of them knows the real me.
*...its been a rollercoaster ride...we've been up we've been down..at times we laughed n at times we cried...but now the ride is over...n our tickets have expired...*
I thought we were friendsthe good and hard times we went through doesnt mean anything to youbut do you know one thing you are loosing some one very specialand im sure you know who
Broken friendships are like mirrors -- Once broken, even when fixed, will always leave a crack.
Without u my friend the days of the week are......sadday.....mournday..........tearsday........wasteday.....thirstday......frightday.......and.....shatterday.......thanks 4 being my friend.....keep smiling

Y 11:48 PM

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Y 2:43 PM

Monday, January 10, 2005

Oh my it has being such a long time since i write in here.So many millions of stuff happened to be during those few weeks but haiz i am lazy to pen everything in precision.Ok the thing is i am feeling really really really stress over all the rubbish that had happen to me.It seems so weird cause all of a sudden i have to deal with guys from all over that coincidentally is either interested in me or at the stage of wooing me.seriously, i have no plans in getting attatched in the near future...all these guys is really scary me and pissing me off.now i know i sound so proud and all that but hey put yourself in my shoes.imagine having like a lot of guys pestering you and even though u made it clear to them that you would not like to have a bf,nonetheless they still do what they want.it is really stressful and not fun....it is not as glamourous as it look definately...sometimes it is as sad to reject people(especially that you care for as a friend) then being reject.And i get so stress that i cried a few times because of this...nobody is gonna believe this but yeah it's the truth.I got to mediatate or listen to like smoothing music because i am damn stressed up from my responsibilities for my cca,friends,guys,school work especially and work.I have a million things to do and a million things to consider but who care...who can see that in me..nobody,nt even lili,eric,cheryl,stella and xiu xia.i can't find comfort in them but i think i am like aiyah whatever~ now.i've given up trying and hoping.i just see my role as being there for them when they need me to and i am glad enough that they share their little problems with me.All i can say it's that i've tried my best in them and i will continue to do so.And you know what,i really cannot bring myself to communicate with them at that level.I would feel like i'm kicking a fuss and being overly emotional and surely their respond would be : 'no la we where got treat you differently,we care for you a lot,anything can just tell us' so what is the point of communicating with them.i just save myself from this arguement.
and because of this i have become very very reliant on c and i always trouble c with my nonsense.bear in mind that he really don't have to listen to all my crap yet he does it most of the time.i feel some sort of gratitude towards him and there will never be anything that i can do for him because i feel he dun need it.he seem to never have problems or maybe he does but does not show or that he don't bother himself with all that trival problems?but i realise that he cannot be there for me everytime that is why from now onwards i got to be less reliant on him...it is not good to be too dependent on others you know.
and i realise that i have this habit of like being a bit busybody.i always click on those that have like disturbing nick like: argh i hate my life,get lose,dun pretend u care and blah blah.and i will always ask are you ok?haha it is like a habit that i wanna know if that person is really ok and do they need someone to listen to them.And sometimes it has come to a point where it doesn't really matter if they reply nor does it matter if they actually tell me what happened...but my asking is more of like for them to know that there is someone that is interested in them and care for them...sometimes this feeling is enough to make someone happy=)
oh my !i've having my science ut tmr and guess what i've only like click through the ppt slides.notice that i use click and not read cause i seriously only like click click click and let the slides just move up and down the screen without actually even paying attention to the words in the slides.that is just a tactic to pacify myself that i have some sort of revise through so that i can sleep peacefully tonight.i can foresee that i'm gonna get F for tmr's ut and sigh i am having progamming lesson tmr...oh it sucks absoulately....imagine after a tough science ut and i'm gonna have a tough lesson.yucks totally sucky man.=oh i went for the drama meeting today and my lord there are like soooooooo many things i got to do as a vice secretary.It sounds so stressful and being absent-minded will i even be able to do the job well...I certainly don't wanna screw things up.Oh yah i'm gonna add this cool thing at the end of every entry from now on.it will be a like random fact about myself...cool right...=) okie i shall end off now...and i'll write more tmr...i feel sooooooooo good after typing.woah!!!!!

random fact 1-whenever i said my pet has died or watever they'll go like it's just a pet and i
absolutely loathe it

Y 10:00 PM

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I found my prince charming turns out he already found his princess.and she doesn't even like him and yet he still loves her.
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them and know u can't and never will have them
"When I fell inlove with you I told you I would die for you. Now that your gone it's time for me to keep my promise."
I never promise or swear.. because they have always been broken, once they are broken they break your heart. So many have broken mine.
Words mean a lot.... but if they aren't true then it hurts...
TEARS ARE THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF GRIEF
*LiFe SuCkS...SuIcIdE sOuNdS fUn....*
Cant u see this Blade is the only thing saving me ?!?!?
A fake smile may fool everyone else but you can't fool yourself
Should I smile becuase we are friends or cry because that's all we will ever be?
If you cared about how close to the edge i am, why are you pushing me
Sometimes I feel like my life's a test..and I don't have the answers...I stressed...
You said i was the girl with the twinklest eyes, you were so happy you didnt notice i was crying
Somethimes i wish i was a little kid again...skinned knees r easier 2 fix than broken hearts
Im sick of people thinking its ok to walk all over me....
Who really cares ill still wake up 2marrow..... not all of us are stronge enuf to leave this life

Y 10:51 PM