Sunday, April 24, 2005
It seems to surreal...just like a bad nightmare.I've discover and know things that i've never dream of it to me.Sure i suspect but it seem shocking to actually hear it.How much do i trust my source you ask.80% i must say.Everything seem clear now and it all seems to make sense...the things they do and he do.You know how absolutely i hate fakers and yes i do dislike him now.How can he pretend all this while to be high and mighty...to empathize on ethics and moral issues while he has none.He clearly does not practice what he preaches.And nothing disgust me more that he had tried it on me and sheryldine and a lot more others.It's disappointing...really really disappointing.And tries to remove me and sheryldine just because we don't buy his deal.I did nothing wrong and i am proud of whatever i did.At least i can look at myself at the end of the day with pride without failing anyone.He has to go and it's for the common good.At first i didn't understand why did e and yb say all those stuff about him but now i do.I wonder how can all of them endure and talk to him normally when they know about all these stuff.I know i couldn't.It also amaze me that girls nowadays are so easily influence and am blinded by things they aren't what they seem on the surface.Surely there are small signs...do they not recognise it or have they choose to ignore it far too much.I do not know the answers sadly but i do hope they'll wake up from all these and understand things from a realistic and logical point of view.Being blinded by situation and people are one of the worst thing that can happen to a person.Sometimes placing absolute trust in someone is never good as when your trust get manipulate by someone, you are in a very very very vulnerable position...where you strip all of your protection shell thus making attacks and brainwashing very very easy.Trust, but in moderation please.I am tired of all these already yet i cannot bring myself to escape and heck care like some.I don't know what to do..And how brave are a and x to endure all these shit while nobody really understand the pain they have to go through.They have came a long way and am tired already....they deserve recognition and a good good rest.For now....everything has come to an end(some sort) and we all pray that nothing more will happen...Ahhh but we'll never know...we'll never...
Y 6:07 PM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Yesterday must be the worst day of my life...which i shall procced to COMPLAIN!People who knows me must be wondering what the heck am i online on a sunday afternoon...don't i have to work?Yes!My idiotic manager just fired me...what for you may ask?The reason is totally unresonable and i suspect that he had gone senile.You see yesterday i was already very sick when i woke up in the morning to go for my every weekend job at spageddies and so about at the afternoon,i was really very sick with fever and headache and feeling like vomitting so i beg my manager(Mr lee) to let me go home(as you see i am suppose to work lunch and dinner shift on every saturday) but he don't wanna let me off until i can find someone to replace me.But that is virtually impossible because those who can work had being called by him to work for dinner shift already.And so feeling really sick already, i just went home and left him a note.And guess what he made gloria(the shift manager) to call me and telling me to return my uniform and saying i need not go back to work already.I mean honestly i am like this sick already ,what else does he expects me to do?
I am so glad i walk off because i saw his true colours that day and plus my fever become worst when i reached home and was even too sick to walk to bukit pajang plaza to see a doctor.So i slept until night time about 9.00pm and when i woke up, i vomitted the only thing that i bought to ease my vomitting(the sour plum).And so my stomach feels sooooo empty already yet i dare not eat anything for the fear of vomitting again.I went down to the pasam malarm to get a coconut juice and three of the steam cake.And when i ate them...i vomitted all of them out again the very next 10 minute.So it just came to a point when i don't dare to eat anything anymore yesterday.Because even if i drink water i will vomit it out.So i went to bed again...and i woke up at 3.00am plus this early morning and try to vomit.But you see i already have nothing that i can vomit out...not even water...so i am just kneeling down by my dustbin and just vomitting salvia out...It is such a weird feeling especially when you already have absoulately nothing that can be coming out already.And your stomach is like just kept contracting trying to force things out...and it really really do hurts a lot...I can't even describe the excruciating pain in words...but those who have experienced it surely would know it sucks totally.And i was half crying and half vomitting because i can't stop vomitting and neither can i stop the pain.And i will be sleeping halfway and all of a sudden i will be feeling like vomitting and den i have to faster get out of the bed and sit in front of my dustbin waiting for it to come.And with my high fever....it just makes me feel that i am certainly about to die.
Honestly speaking i don't regret going home at all.I did what i need to do and it's just too bad that i am sack by someone who don't even care for his staff.To think that i used to think he is so nice and all that and i really did respect him.Despite people telling me the things he did i stand firm in my thinking and sometimes even help defend him.I guess leonard and justin were correct about me being too navie and trusting people too easily.But it's okie.I was darn disappointed and angry with him yesterday but not anymore.I can't be bothered anymore and beside that means i can watch saturday and sunday tv(which i have being deprived of very very long already) but just that maybe i can't spend as much as i like to like before.And the bad things is that i spend all the money i've earned already so pretty much back to square one.
And i am suffering from freakin stomachache this morning when i woke up.So anyway i went to see a doctor just now and it sound really serious.He said i had stomach flu(i didn't know it will hurt so bad) and a lot of phlegm.And he said one of the reason i kept vomitting is because the body wanna get rid of the excess phlegm thus inducing in vomitting.It sounds a bit ridiculous honestly but oh well he is the doctor not me.So he gave me about five medicine and ask me to rest well and blah blah.And he said: you do know you are quite severly anemic right. And i was like huh?i don't. And he said cause i am a vegetarian and i don't take meat plus i don't take any iron pills and that cause it.So i guess i have to start paying attention to all the fainting spells that i have being getting on and off.And the normal level for people is like 140 and mine is only 91.So yups....i am so shocked to hear that my blood level is this low and am definately taking iron pills when i recover from this.
Anyway johnthan and dinie is such a sweetie to like sms to find out if i am feeling ok.And needless to say i complained about yesterday to leonard and justin too.Gosh i am soooooooo hungry already...haven't had anything at all since yesterday morning till now...Will try to eat something and cross my fingers that i won't vomit the things out again.
Y 1:22 PM
Friday, April 15, 2005
Okie another day spent at east coast beach cycling away....today was a total breakthrough.I cycle all the way from one extreme end to another end(safara) but along the way back, my butt and thighs totally hurts...and i barely make my way back to the rental place.Leonard is sick and he claims that i spread my germs to him.Okie maybe i really did but hey i am half dead myself too and well who ask him to hang out with me.So yups don't care don't care lar...anyway i am sure he don't mind....besides he always treat me badly too...But he sounds sooooooooo much nicer when he has a sore throat...it makes his voice deep and sexy.You know sometimes i really feel that leonard a bit heck care.maybe that is just how a virgo acts....but well it won't kill him to talk more right.I mean i do see that he tries sometimes like today i was angry with them and he tried to cheer me up.I guess it's the time again when i start to hope for better and closer friendship and therefore applying more pressure to them.And sometimes he really irriates me like he will always screen shot my msn pic and then he'll edit it to a totally hideous look.And even though i ask him to remove that from his display pic he will just dismiss me away.And why can't he look for other victims.Argh.
And alarice why why why do u keep asking me the same question man....There is really nothing between me and leonard or justin.Everyone please stop guessing or pushing me to either them.This always happen when i am close with a group of guys and i am terribly sick of it.I can take it when people ask about it intitally but after like the fourth time? seriously man...give me a break lar.Alarice is really weird lor.She kept asking like hey do you think leonard or justin likes you?Do you think they stand a chance? Hey you can really be either justin or leonard's gf eh(in front of them somemore)...I really don't know what else to say even though i kept telling her no no no no!
Oh yeah there had being rumours floating around saying that we might change coach due to the budget problem...but den again nothing is set in stones yet so well wait and see...But it will be so weird if we change to a new coach because well after all royston had being with us for so long already and he knows all our weakness and strength.I predict if we do change a coach it will totally sucks lar.
Anyway justin and leonard don't really seem to like alarice.And then it just makes me think that sometimes the things alarice ask or say are so like the things i will too....so does that means they don't like me too?It just makes me feel so insecure about my friendship with them and i spend the whole time thinking about it on the bus after i parted with them.
And i am feeling so stressed up about the new semester cause it seems like we have so many things to finish..pp,c.e points,my three cca,daily work,uts,and working during the weekends...Argh and what about my own entertaiment and all that....I won't have time for everything...i won't be able to balance everything....i can't...then i'll be someone who is like so worthless...having no life....argh....noooooooooooooooooooo.Okie i got to snap out of this.Just smile smile and be happy....
Y 9:06 PM
Thursday, April 14, 2005
FIRST NUMBER: Number 3 It is the number of Jupiter and represents optimism, expansion and movement. The No. 3 person is idealistic, religious, loves travelling and will definitely seek a higher education.Fiercely independent, they need freedom and seek truth in all aspects of life. Ambitious and aggressive, they acquire positions of power and make excellent commanders. Their vibrant vitality coupled with physical stamina ensures that he No. 3 rises to great heights.You must teach a number 3 to curb their temper, intolerance and excessive ambition. They have to learn to be more considerate and diplomatic. Channel there excessive energy into sports, a field in which they are sure to excel.Raised well, they can become outstanding personalities. They are basically very happy go lucky and philosophical and hate any sort of duplicity. Like number 1, they like fighting for the underdog and make good attorneys.Compatible numbers - 3, 5, 6Lucky gems - SapphireLucky Colour - blue, pink
SECOND NUMBER: Number 4 It is the number of Uranus and represents inventiveness, originality, tolerance and genius. The number 4 person is highly unconventional and is often misunderstood by friends and family. Highly intelligent, systematic and methodical, they have brilliant academic records. Highly observant, keen and quick to learn, they are efficient workers and always do well in life.Highly individualistic, this number is an enigma. Number 4 people always seems to find a different way to live, and are successful more often than not. They march to their own drumbeat and love to shock others. They rarely care about public opinion & like to live and let live. They certainly live the way they like.But, unfortunately they can be very pessimistic and need constant reassurance from people around them. Friendship is vital to their well-being, and they are extremely loyal and steadfast. They must learn to overcome feelings of inadequacy and have faith in themselves as they have the tendency to let good opportunities slip by die to their lack of confidence.Compatible numbers - 1, 4, 8Lucky gems - AquamarineLucky colors - light blue, white
http://www.indiaparenting.com/funtime/numerology/index.shtml
Y 12:47 AM
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Today must be one of those weird or bad luck days cause well firstly i wake up early in the morning in vain.You see i only went to bed at 6.00am today and had to wake up at 9.30am today to get ready for escape theme park....So i happily took a train down and meet leonard and justin at pasis ris mrt station(nvm the fact that i was late).And so we had our heavy breakfast at burger king(like a whole meal),we were all groaning while eating it and lovely justin gave me all his mushroom because he knows i enjoy them.So den we walk towards the entrance of escape theme park and guess wat!!!!!!!!!!!!HORROR HORROR SUPER DUPER HORROR!The freakin place is close on monday till friday and only open on sat and sun and school holidays and public holidays..What the heck man.....i mean seriously it is sooooooooooooo darn stupid...they must be retarded or watever.Who ever do that kind of stuff man.Argh needless to say i cried(like action cry) outside the locked gate for like 15 minutes.
Then we all were like haiz how how and i suggested cycling since i've develop this insatiable love for cycling like all of a sudden(actually more like ever since i noe how to cycle).But they all kinda oppose to my idea(humph guys sucks lar) and to make this whole story shorter...in the end we decided to like go swimming.And it took us ages to decide on whether to swim at leonard's condo or chinese garden there.Me and justin are more into the former while leonard are into the later...but in the end we discover that the swimming pool at chinese garden is like close so in then end yay to leonard's condo.His condo facilities is like soooo cool they got like jacuzzi and like sunane(watever dun noe hw to spell it).It's a super tiring day cause i had to travel like back and forth.
1)frm bukit panjang to pasis ris
2)frm pasis ris back to bukit panjang
3)frm bukit panjang to geylang
4)frm geylang back to bukit panjang
vommit arrrrrrr........pui pui pui!!!!!!!!!
Anyway thanks to leonard for lending me his shampoo n shower bath that now i am sooooo into johnson's baby calming bath...I think i might get one of that we mine finishes....Tmr watching movie(samara) with leonard and justin again and i am soooooooo tired from the miserable 3 hr sleep only...blog again tomorrow.....nitezzzzzz
Y 11:34 PM
Friday, April 08, 2005
Another day spent with Leonard and Justin. We’ve being going out for like almost everyday this whole holiday. And we are going to escape theme park next Tuesday(my idea).So well needless to say people from tennis are suspecting there is something going on between me and Leonard or Justin.
I went to east coast, tennis centre to look for Justin and Leonard (with alarice by my side of course) and well apparently they thought that I and Leonard were like boyfriend and girlfriend. That is so stupid and the worse is that Justin was like involve in the teasing too. It just totally irks me because all along he has always being there with me and Leonard so he knows perfectly well we are all friends. And the more I think of it the more frustrated and angry I was with him so I was like totally keeping quiet in the mrt refusing to talk to him much and even when I do I don’t even look at him. This is also the main reason why I don’t tell anyone that I’ve being hanging out with them so much recently. I don’t want people to comment and speculate about things that aren’t even there. It’ll cause me and the other party so much trouble and worst still it might just jeopardize our friendship. Well hopefully Leonard won’t mind much. But I think after this lesson I’ve taught Justin he will be sticking up for both me and Leonard the next time. I realize sometimes I cannot be too forgiving because then people will keep pushing you around. Well maybe they do it unconsciously but still it irks me. So I shall not be so overly considerate for it will just make myself suffer. I must learn to be firmer and learn to say no when I really don’t want to.
And all of a sudden I feel that he is not worth getting sad over and not worth my time anymore so yups I no longer like him. The feeling of wanting to be close to him has faded away and I realize that what I have being holding on to all along are just the memories that I have of him during our happy times and I naively and stubbornly held on to those memories that I so strongly believed in. If he is the person he is showing me now I can say with utmost confidence that he isn’t the kind of guy that I like .And I was like totally avoiding him today because I really feel uncomfortable around him. Like in the Macs, he was sitting down there and I actually wanted to sit beside alarice but then I saw him sitting opposite me and my body and mind just command me to move away and sit beside Leonard. And even when he made any comment when I speak, I just ignored him and pretend that I didn’t hear that. So I guess after a while, he gave up and talked to others. Seriously speaking he is the one that start this whole deal first and he can’t expect me to like forgive him just like that right. It is simple impossible and unreasonable. So if he wants me to talk to him again he seriously got to try a lot harder to make up for all the misery that he putted me through. But knowing his character and together with my sixth sense, he will give up after a while.
And after giving the thing much consideration, I’ve decided that I really can’t accept winson. It all started that I thought well maybe he stand a chance and that I can give him that but then due to so many factors(well no doubt those played a part in my decision) I know deep in my heart that he is someone that I will not like and not accept. The only feelings I have for him is only of friendship and I think it will stay as this forever.
Just like Justin, I’ve only treated and feel for him as a friend all along. That is why I get so worried when he shows signs that he don’t get my first ‘rejection’ that I have to tell him one more time. Seriously even when he said that he only treats me as a close friend I know that all the things he did and his action tells me otherwise. I am not trying to be thick skin but there are some things that your heart will tell you the true answer. But I think it’s getting better and better these days and I finally am starting to feel that he does only treat me as a close friend.
Oh yah I now know how to cycle like pretty well. That is really cool on the account that it took me only one day to learn and another day to like control the direction and speed. It feels so good that I can’t wait for next Friday to come again. I am gonna cycle even faster and further distance next time. But I really got to thank Justin and Leonard for being so patience with me and so nice to teach me.They tried to teach me ice skating and roller blading but that was a disaster.Haha but nvm they have enough patience and time to teach me that.
Tennis is getting really like a bother nowadays because of all the dark secrets that had being revealed to me by sheryldine. So I really got to get out of the novice group and moved to club a.s.a.p if I wanna keep sane.
Well I update more the next time I blog again.till then take care and good night.
Y 11:44 PM
