Monday, August 29, 2005
I watch the maid yesterday with sue and man it is so scary that I scream a lot. And poor sue she had to suffer so much due to my inconsistent screaming and she said I scare her more than the movie did. And there’s this guy sitting beside me, he kept laughing and staring at me when I scream. It is kind of embarrassing really. But it is a relatively nice movie that is worth watching. Much better than the ring or whatever in my opinion.It’s going to be the holidays soon but I am not particularly excited about it because I still have to come back to school and all for my cca.It has being such a long time since I had holiday. My last holiday was totally used up for rehearsing red hill blues. But I don’t quite mind because it had being quite an experience for me. And I made a lot of new friends and bonded even more with my fellow drama members.
At time I do feel like I am collapsing under all these intense stress from my duties. But whatever it is, it is only temperory.Besides I gain a lot of experience and learn new things through all that. So I got to learn to appreciate everything that I have now and stop thinking things in the bad side.
Oh yeah Erasmus and his team is taking part in the project pilot thingy. It is like they have to think of a story plot and get the actresses and actors and setting themselves and filming it all together. Some of my classmates like sham, derrick and weng tat is involve in it with the help of our web multimedia facilitator cavvy.So Erasmus ask me to help act in his video and listen to this. The character is kind of interesting-I am suppose to act this photographer who sees the world in color but sees her own world in black and white. And the thing is there is not much line in the show so I reckon a lot would be base on facial expression and body language. It will be very challenging and I am so scared that I’ll spoil it for them. But still I am looking forward to it.
And I am having my art project exhibition this Wednesday. The worst thing is that I haven’t completed my art and its Monday already. I am so dead but I try to do what I can. And I am skipping tennis today to finish it up at Phoenix Park. Needless to say coach wasn’t that happy when I told him yesterday that I had to. He said I have being skipping a lot and that I only turn up tennis for once this month. I didn’t realize my attendance was so bad and it is a wake up call for me. I am so slacking in tennis and I just want to find back that drive I used to have in tennis. And yes I have to stop procrastinating and do what I set out to achieve. Too many broken promises already. George and pinky’s design is really kind of cool…much cooler than mine. George uses different types of wire to shape a human and I think he’s going to display a video too while pinky’s design is a laptop that covers the whole room. So it is gonna be a big one. By the way we are doing installation art and mine being lazy and all. I choose the smallest room so it’s easier to finish. And my theme is sort of like nature environment. I’ll try to take pictures and upload it on Wednesday.
Gosh it is pathetic, the last week of our school term and the class only consists of seven students (including me) out of twenty five. I reckon it is going to be this bad until Friday. Everyone is clearing their leave (we only take the best 14 grades out of the sixteen) and I so hate myself for clearing my leave earlier. I’ve got no more leave to clear therefore will be turning up for all my classes this week.
And grrrr it’s the tennis open next week. I am playing singles against simran, Angeline and some other two girls. I might as well don’t turn up right since I am definitely going to lose badly. But then on another hand I join because of the experience that I know I am going to gain so well it isn’t going to be that bad. I just hope that I won’t lose that badly.
Ok I got to go now. Today’s java is a killer…..
Y 9:26 AM
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Gosh i am so into america's next top model that i actually went download every single episode of season 4.So i bascially don't hafta rush back home every night at 10.30 just so i won't miss the gorgeous girls.my number one favourite is kahlen and she looks so much like carmen kass when i saw her at the first episode(even the judges agree so).And i find my peace and it distracts me away from my troubles.It's really stress relieving.
Troubles? I've got losta them these days.So many things racing through my mind.Certainly at time i thought i was gonna lose my mind over trival stuff(or maybe not?) but this is just the way i am and i can't change it.Maybe i worry too much?Or perhaps i think too much?But i guess my troubles always seem trival and childish in minds of people who obviously have it worst than me.I guess it's always like that.When you have nothing major to worry about you tend to go into details about the most stupid stuff.it's like we can't stop worrying...very weird!
When i am silent and all distance away from my friends.....i miss them loads...everyone that i used to talk to and hang out with or contact with.....i lost it....I am panicking because i'm scared it's too late to salvage.My friends are giving up in trying to get me out with them and it's sad..but i guess 90% is my fault...They really try...they did.
And i so hate myself because i have being doing things that is against my moral principal.It's like i don't practice what i preaches and believes in anymore.And i am really losing respect for myself more and more.And my my lifestyle is so damn heatic now.Actually i like it when the days are simplier just me and my friends and nothing else.But since things has happen it is no use regreating and i should really see what i can do with what's given to me.
Being picking up reading like before and my first two book( adrian mole).I guess i must start reading and all.I am becoming a bit of an airhead...all fashion magazine,gossipping and playing around.
Drama and tennis just bascially kills me.I am receiving so much stress from them.Hafta plan this and plan that....it is really what i need to do since i am in charge or certain stuff but still there are certainly times that i pray that i don't have to go for meetings after meetings.There are days that it would get so unbelievable bad that lunch time(drama meeting) after school (committe drama meeting) and tennis meeting(after my drama meeting).It's suffocating me but i can't complain much because everyone is feeling just as much stress as i am.
Next entry then....
Y 9:26 PM
Saturday, August 13, 2005
My life is in a mess.And the worst thing is that i don't really have much idea how to make it ok.My grades are getting from B's to C's and occassionals D's.Gasp!The horror.Well well people that have known me for almost a couple of good years(like jixuan and shufen) would definately find it weird that since when i fret over school grades.Actually i am not sure too...but it's sorta like you wouldn't want to lose the good stuff you had before and it just makes you want more and more....So i guess it's the same for grades....But i am one of the least competitive people in class.I am always keeping quiet or spacing out.And certainly there are times that i slack like refuse to think or to look at the problem statement...but of course there are times that i work real hard(like refusing to go for lunch and all).But still i have being slacking so much in my year two that at this rate i am at would i even be able to pass my semster two.I've being skipping classes a lot especially art elective.Grrrrr i am mentally slapping myself to wake up from all this overindulge of pleasure and fun.I am not myself anymore and i am super duper ashamed of myself.From this moment onwards i vow not to be so darn lazy anymore...After all nobody likes a lazy person isn't it.
My life had changed in a way or so.....but am i ready to embrace them that readily?I certainly don't know for sure.....and time would surely tell all....
Y 3:57 PM
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Cheese Test: What type of cheese are you?
Y 11:16 PM