But for the sake of a little mouthful of flesh we deprive a soul of the sun and light, and of that proportion of life and time it had been born to enjoy
I am feeling much calmer then my previous entry.It's 2.19am.I have class tomorrow and i can't sleep.Not so much because my mind is burden with all the troubles but merely because i had a five hour nap. I realise that social life is so very important and beneficial to one.That i swear i am going to try to be cherry and mingle around more.I must be one of those most introvert gemini around this world.I am quiet...too quiet.At least i am going to try to talk to people or struck up a conversation and not always waiting like some miss high n mightly for people to talk to me.I am trying but it's hard.It's hard to change who you are especially when you have being quiet for the past.My quietness aren't like deadly silence (ex:...............................) but it's more like i mind my own business you mind your own business.From now onwards it will be like i mind my own business but maybe i could mind your business just a bit too. I admit that i have certainly think about wanting to close this blog but den again i spent too much time typing everything down that i couldn't bear with it.Sometimes i do feel like opening up this blog so that people know who i am really inside and they'll pity me.But then again when i am out of my bouts of depression i praise myself for not doing that because i still think it's really my private life.And i have seen so many people who could't really talk about what they feel because it involves in people that will read their blog.That is really a shame but i am not promoting bashing of people with words either. I went out with sheryldine yesterday...mmm i mean um tuesday.It was great fun.Actually i was scared that it'll all be awkard silence and the taste in shopping would clash.Cause she goes like gucci,LV that sorta shops while i'll be like the kind that goes to U2 mango that sort.But it's great that she is willingly to compromise and i am willingly to compromise.I am really a geek but that day was the ever FIRST time that i step in gucci shop.The experience wasn't that bad because nobody bother us which is good! And secondly you see people in jeans going inside(which i always thought that people who goes in wear suits or even like ball dress) and thirdly nobody gave me that dirty look when i went in.So the environment wasn't that snooty after all. We chit chat about lishan and gang about our life.In the whole we have a blast and vow to go out again. On my way to meet sheryldine, i was approach by some modeling agency like usual and like so many other girls.But for some weird reason, i decided to accept their name card.In fact it's right at my desk.But maybe i have become more interested in modeling that i ever had in my whole life.Blame it on Antm.Maybe someday i'm going to do some crazy stuff and get into an agent.But for now, i think at least i need to lose some weight.It's for my health too.Actually if i could model it could help to pay off some stuff and buy more clothes(i'm sorry if i am too bimboish or vain). Anyway i want to start doing more stuff for myself and to be focus enough to carry it through the end.I think everyone in my family could vouch for me that i have being wasting my life all these while and if i had being more focus i would be able to achieve more than i am now.It's depressing really. And above of all, rudy said to me.Don't play tennis because of your friends but for yourself.He is right so i am damn going to stay in tennis.Even i don't really have anyone to fall back on, but i should just focus on improving.That'll be my main piority.
