Saturday, August 20, 2005
Gosh i am so into america's next top model that i actually went download every single episode of season 4.So i bascially don't hafta rush back home every night at 10.30 just so i won't miss the gorgeous girls.my number one favourite is kahlen and she looks so much like carmen kass when i saw her at the first episode(even the judges agree so).And i find my peace and it distracts me away from my troubles.It's really stress relieving.
Troubles? I've got losta them these days.So many things racing through my mind.Certainly at time i thought i was gonna lose my mind over trival stuff(or maybe not?) but this is just the way i am and i can't change it.Maybe i worry too much?Or perhaps i think too much?But i guess my troubles always seem trival and childish in minds of people who obviously have it worst than me.I guess it's always like that.When you have nothing major to worry about you tend to go into details about the most stupid stuff.it's like we can't stop worrying...very weird!
When i am silent and all distance away from my friends.....i miss them loads...everyone that i used to talk to and hang out with or contact with.....i lost it....I am panicking because i'm scared it's too late to salvage.My friends are giving up in trying to get me out with them and it's sad..but i guess 90% is my fault...They really try...they did.
And i so hate myself because i have being doing things that is against my moral principal.It's like i don't practice what i preaches and believes in anymore.And i am really losing respect for myself more and more.And my my lifestyle is so damn heatic now.Actually i like it when the days are simplier just me and my friends and nothing else.But since things has happen it is no use regreating and i should really see what i can do with what's given to me.
Being picking up reading like before and my first two book( adrian mole).I guess i must start reading and all.I am becoming a bit of an airhead...all fashion magazine,gossipping and playing around.
Drama and tennis just bascially kills me.I am receiving so much stress from them.Hafta plan this and plan that....it is really what i need to do since i am in charge or certain stuff but still there are certainly times that i pray that i don't have to go for meetings after meetings.There are days that it would get so unbelievable bad that lunch time(drama meeting) after school (committe drama meeting) and tennis meeting(after my drama meeting).It's suffocating me but i can't complain much because everyone is feeling just as much stress as i am.
Next entry then....
Y 9:26 PM
