But for the sake of a little mouthful of flesh we deprive a soul of the sun and light, and of that proportion of life and time it had been born to enjoy
Another day spent with Leonard and Justin. We’ve being going out for like almost everyday this whole holiday. And we are going to escape theme park next Tuesday(my idea).So well needless to say people from tennis are suspecting there is something going on between me and Leonard or Justin. I went to east coast, tennis centre to look for Justin and Leonard (with alarice by my side of course) and well apparently they thought that I and Leonard were like boyfriend and girlfriend. That is so stupid and the worse is that Justin was like involve in the teasing too. It just totally irks me because all along he has always being there with me and Leonard so he knows perfectly well we are all friends. And the more I think of it the more frustrated and angry I was with him so I was like totally keeping quiet in the mrt refusing to talk to him much and even when I do I don’t even look at him. This is also the main reason why I don’t tell anyone that I’ve being hanging out with them so much recently. I don’t want people to comment and speculate about things that aren’t even there. It’ll cause me and the other party so much trouble and worst still it might just jeopardize our friendship. Well hopefully Leonard won’t mind much. But I think after this lesson I’ve taught Justin he will be sticking up for both me and Leonard the next time. I realize sometimes I cannot be too forgiving because then people will keep pushing you around. Well maybe they do it unconsciously but still it irks me. So I shall not be so overly considerate for it will just make myself suffer. I must learn to be firmer and learn to say no when I really don’t want to. And all of a sudden I feel that he is not worth getting sad over and not worth my time anymore so yups I no longer like him. The feeling of wanting to be close to him has faded away and I realize that what I have being holding on to all along are just the memories that I have of him during our happy times and I naively and stubbornly held on to those memories that I so strongly believed in. If he is the person he is showing me now I can say with utmost confidence that he isn’t the kind of guy that I like .And I was like totally avoiding him today because I really feel uncomfortable around him. Like in the Macs, he was sitting down there and I actually wanted to sit beside alarice but then I saw him sitting opposite me and my body and mind just command me to move away and sit beside Leonard. And even when he made any comment when I speak, I just ignored him and pretend that I didn’t hear that. So I guess after a while, he gave up and talked to others. Seriously speaking he is the one that start this whole deal first and he can’t expect me to like forgive him just like that right. It is simple impossible and unreasonable. So if he wants me to talk to him again he seriously got to try a lot harder to make up for all the misery that he putted me through. But knowing his character and together with my sixth sense, he will give up after a while. And after giving the thing much consideration, I’ve decided that I really can’t accept winson. It all started that I thought well maybe he stand a chance and that I can give him that but then due to so many factors(well no doubt those played a part in my decision) I know deep in my heart that he is someone that I will not like and not accept. The only feelings I have for him is only of friendship and I think it will stay as this forever. Just like Justin, I’ve only treated and feel for him as a friend all along. That is why I get so worried when he shows signs that he don’t get my first ‘rejection’ that I have to tell him one more time. Seriously even when he said that he only treats me as a close friend I know that all the things he did and his action tells me otherwise. I am not trying to be thick skin but there are some things that your heart will tell you the true answer. But I think it’s getting better and better these days and I finally am starting to feel that he does only treat me as a close friend. Oh yah I now know how to cycle like pretty well. That is really cool on the account that it took me only one day to learn and another day to like control the direction and speed. It feels so good that I can’t wait for next Friday to come again. I am gonna cycle even faster and further distance next time. But I really got to thank Justin and Leonard for being so patience with me and so nice to teach me.They tried to teach me ice skating and roller blading but that was a disaster.Haha but nvm they have enough patience and time to teach me that. Tennis is getting really like a bother nowadays because of all the dark secrets that had being revealed to me by sheryldine. So I really got to get out of the novice group and moved to club a.s.a.p if I wanna keep sane. Well I update more the next time I blog again.till then take care and good night.
