Monday, January 10, 2005
Oh my it has being such a long time since i write in here.So many millions of stuff happened to be during those few weeks but haiz i am lazy to pen everything in precision.Ok the thing is i am feeling really really really stress over all the rubbish that had happen to me.It seems so weird cause all of a sudden i have to deal with guys from all over that coincidentally is either interested in me or at the stage of wooing me.seriously, i have no plans in getting attatched in the near future...all these guys is really scary me and pissing me off.now i know i sound so proud and all that but hey put yourself in my shoes.imagine having like a lot of guys pestering you and even though u made it clear to them that you would not like to have a bf,nonetheless they still do what they want.it is really stressful and not fun....it is not as glamourous as it look definately...sometimes it is as sad to reject people(especially that you care for as a friend) then being reject.And i get so stress that i cried a few times because of this...nobody is gonna believe this but yeah it's the truth.I got to mediatate or listen to like smoothing music because i am damn stressed up from my responsibilities for my cca,friends,guys,school work especially and work.I have a million things to do and a million things to consider but who care...who can see that in me..nobody,nt even lili,eric,cheryl,stella and xiu xia.i can't find comfort in them but i think i am like aiyah whatever~ now.i've given up trying and hoping.i just see my role as being there for them when they need me to and i am glad enough that they share their little problems with me.All i can say it's that i've tried my best in them and i will continue to do so.And you know what,i really cannot bring myself to communicate with them at that level.I would feel like i'm kicking a fuss and being overly emotional and surely their respond would be : 'no la we where got treat you differently,we care for you a lot,anything can just tell us' so what is the point of communicating with them.i just save myself from this arguement.
and because of this i have become very very reliant on c and i always trouble c with my nonsense.bear in mind that he really don't have to listen to all my crap yet he does it most of the time.i feel some sort of gratitude towards him and there will never be anything that i can do for him because i feel he dun need it.he seem to never have problems or maybe he does but does not show or that he don't bother himself with all that trival problems?but i realise that he cannot be there for me everytime that is why from now onwards i got to be less reliant on him...it is not good to be too dependent on others you know.
and i realise that i have this habit of like being a bit busybody.i always click on those that have like disturbing nick like: argh i hate my life,get lose,dun pretend u care and blah blah.and i will always ask are you ok?haha it is like a habit that i wanna know if that person is really ok and do they need someone to listen to them.And sometimes it has come to a point where it doesn't really matter if they reply nor does it matter if they actually tell me what happened...but my asking is more of like for them to know that there is someone that is interested in them and care for them...sometimes this feeling is enough to make someone happy=)
oh my !i've having my science ut tmr and guess what i've only like click through the ppt slides.notice that i use click and not read cause i seriously only like click click click and let the slides just move up and down the screen without actually even paying attention to the words in the slides.that is just a tactic to pacify myself that i have some sort of revise through so that i can sleep peacefully tonight.i can foresee that i'm gonna get F for tmr's ut and sigh i am having progamming lesson tmr...oh it sucks absoulately....imagine after a tough science ut and i'm gonna have a tough lesson.yucks totally sucky man.=oh i went for the drama meeting today and my lord there are like soooooooo many things i got to do as a vice secretary.It sounds so stressful and being absent-minded will i even be able to do the job well...I certainly don't wanna screw things up.Oh yah i'm gonna add this cool thing at the end of every entry from now on.it will be a like random fact about myself...cool right...=) okie i shall end off now...and i'll write more tmr...i feel sooooooooo good after typing.woah!!!!!
random fact 1-whenever i said my pet has died or watever they'll go like it's just a pet and i
absolutely loathe it
Y 10:00 PM
