Sunday, November 04, 2007
Dear LL,
This is a letter for you and is the last. I think what you’ve written on your blog about me is really mean.
If you ask me do I think I am in the wrong? I would still give the same answer I don’t think so. If it’s just about the text seriously I have already explain why. It’s not as if I do it on purpose. I am really busy with my school and it’s troublesome to log in online to text especially it signs me off after a period of inactivity say about 10 min or so. I don’t text you randomly to ask how you are and all. But think back, every time you say you have some problem. I’ll text you to ask you more about it and that’s how the conversation goes on. In fact if u are visibly upset or troubled about something (think back about that guy issue you talk to me) I’ll text you the next day or so to follow up on it. Although it’s the only time I did it but I dare say I’ll do it again if needed. But the point is if you don’t text me on your own and tell me about it, I’ll assume you are ok and happy. Is this mentality wrong? Neh I don’t think so, it’s just that you think you are right and I think I am right. You are the only person in my whole mobile list that I text the most every since I come to Australia. Your messages occupy about 90% of my inbox. And I don’t even text Cheryl. If I see you online (which is rare) I’ll always msn you. And you know I always sign in as busy so if anyone is online I won’t be notified. And in fact there are a few times you either chat with me halfway and not reply…or just go offline without explanation or that you didn’t reply. But I don’t really mind because this is just you I assume and I can deal with that. Not that it doesn’t bother me at all (in fact I do think it’s a bit rude to do so) but I feel this is a small issue that is not worth fighting over for. And that our friendship means much more than trivial issues as such. I have my issues over here and sometimes I do feel so lonely and all. But I don’t really complain much or talk about it because I feel this is a phased that I must endure. It’s not like as if I don’t cry about it. And I kept asking you to come online so we can chat but you always need to go out or something and I can respect that so I wasn’t angry or pissed off when you didn’t.
At times whenever I go to a new place or see something wonderful, I’ll think how great it would be to have you and Cheryl right beside me. Then we can experience this together. You said you love jigsaw puzzle and ask me to send you one when I am here. I can’t send you because it will cost quite a lot to send something that big over. But I can tell you this, every time when I go shopping on my own, I’ll always keep a lookout for jigsaw puzzle. And I finally found the perfect on that represent Australia the best (which is practically a koala photo).I didn’t tell you cause it is suppose to be your birthday present. I didn’t tell you all these feelings because I though you’ll understand. I thought our friendship has reached a level where even if we don’t talk much, we’ll still think of each other.
And honestly I am angry when you told me or give me the impression that you are angry with me. Because as what I have said above I feel very wronged. I did promise you to text you at least twice a week and it’s true I did not do it. I certainly feel that this is a too small of an issue for you not to treat me as a friend anymore. If it’s that case…and if I am worth less than a small promise broken then I don’t think our friendship can go very far. Maybe it’s better for both of us to stop here and only remember the best we had.
About what you have written in your blog, I think I need to clarify something. What he told me is that you are very down and depressed and you told him a lot of very private things and that you are getting married and he said if you still matter to me I should text you and ask you about him. At the same time he made me promise not to tell you anything that he had said. I feel I should honor that because firstly he didn’t talk bad about you in the conversation so I feel you don’t need to know and secondly if he has being so nice to tell me about you being down and need concern, all the more I should keep what he said a secret. Because it’s all out of goodness. I don’t know if you ask him to test me or that he did it on his own. Either way it’s bad because if you ask him to do so I’m angry and disappointed at you. I hate it when people test me or do this kind of stupid thing. Which you did when you were drinking…..you weren’t along and you told me you are. Do you know I was quite worried about you being alone and drunk. There are two things I hate in this world that is being tested upon and being lied to which you did both. You should know I dislike this yet you do it all the same. And if he does this on his own accord, I am pissed off at him and you because what right do both of you have. What right does he have to test me and the fact that you believe what he said and not bother to come find out from me pissed me off tremendously? And I text you that night to come online because I want to know what is bothering you but I just don’t know how to start especially when you are still angry with me. And honestly what he told me that day angers me more but despite all these I know I’ll regret it if anything really happens to you. Simply because you matter to me and I know the anger will just subside someday. But you twisted my goodness and substitute it with your own thinking.
I feel that I have stand by you all these while and even back then when we are not even really close I always bother to find out what’s in your life and your troubles. Ask yourself honestly haven’t I always been by your side for the past three years. If you feel this doubtful and uncertain about me and this friendship then I think we should both walk away from it.
I feel unappreciated, hurt, betrayed and tired. If you want to know more …ask Eric about it. But I feel my time has come and this is just not meant to be after all. So this is it….goodbye ll.
This is a letter for you and is the last. I think what you’ve written on your blog about me is really mean.
If you ask me do I think I am in the wrong? I would still give the same answer I don’t think so. If it’s just about the text seriously I have already explain why. It’s not as if I do it on purpose. I am really busy with my school and it’s troublesome to log in online to text especially it signs me off after a period of inactivity say about 10 min or so. I don’t text you randomly to ask how you are and all. But think back, every time you say you have some problem. I’ll text you to ask you more about it and that’s how the conversation goes on. In fact if u are visibly upset or troubled about something (think back about that guy issue you talk to me) I’ll text you the next day or so to follow up on it. Although it’s the only time I did it but I dare say I’ll do it again if needed. But the point is if you don’t text me on your own and tell me about it, I’ll assume you are ok and happy. Is this mentality wrong? Neh I don’t think so, it’s just that you think you are right and I think I am right. You are the only person in my whole mobile list that I text the most every since I come to Australia. Your messages occupy about 90% of my inbox. And I don’t even text Cheryl. If I see you online (which is rare) I’ll always msn you. And you know I always sign in as busy so if anyone is online I won’t be notified. And in fact there are a few times you either chat with me halfway and not reply…or just go offline without explanation or that you didn’t reply. But I don’t really mind because this is just you I assume and I can deal with that. Not that it doesn’t bother me at all (in fact I do think it’s a bit rude to do so) but I feel this is a small issue that is not worth fighting over for. And that our friendship means much more than trivial issues as such. I have my issues over here and sometimes I do feel so lonely and all. But I don’t really complain much or talk about it because I feel this is a phased that I must endure. It’s not like as if I don’t cry about it. And I kept asking you to come online so we can chat but you always need to go out or something and I can respect that so I wasn’t angry or pissed off when you didn’t.
At times whenever I go to a new place or see something wonderful, I’ll think how great it would be to have you and Cheryl right beside me. Then we can experience this together. You said you love jigsaw puzzle and ask me to send you one when I am here. I can’t send you because it will cost quite a lot to send something that big over. But I can tell you this, every time when I go shopping on my own, I’ll always keep a lookout for jigsaw puzzle. And I finally found the perfect on that represent Australia the best (which is practically a koala photo).I didn’t tell you cause it is suppose to be your birthday present. I didn’t tell you all these feelings because I though you’ll understand. I thought our friendship has reached a level where even if we don’t talk much, we’ll still think of each other.
And honestly I am angry when you told me or give me the impression that you are angry with me. Because as what I have said above I feel very wronged. I did promise you to text you at least twice a week and it’s true I did not do it. I certainly feel that this is a too small of an issue for you not to treat me as a friend anymore. If it’s that case…and if I am worth less than a small promise broken then I don’t think our friendship can go very far. Maybe it’s better for both of us to stop here and only remember the best we had.
About what you have written in your blog, I think I need to clarify something. What he told me is that you are very down and depressed and you told him a lot of very private things and that you are getting married and he said if you still matter to me I should text you and ask you about him. At the same time he made me promise not to tell you anything that he had said. I feel I should honor that because firstly he didn’t talk bad about you in the conversation so I feel you don’t need to know and secondly if he has being so nice to tell me about you being down and need concern, all the more I should keep what he said a secret. Because it’s all out of goodness. I don’t know if you ask him to test me or that he did it on his own. Either way it’s bad because if you ask him to do so I’m angry and disappointed at you. I hate it when people test me or do this kind of stupid thing. Which you did when you were drinking…..you weren’t along and you told me you are. Do you know I was quite worried about you being alone and drunk. There are two things I hate in this world that is being tested upon and being lied to which you did both. You should know I dislike this yet you do it all the same. And if he does this on his own accord, I am pissed off at him and you because what right do both of you have. What right does he have to test me and the fact that you believe what he said and not bother to come find out from me pissed me off tremendously? And I text you that night to come online because I want to know what is bothering you but I just don’t know how to start especially when you are still angry with me. And honestly what he told me that day angers me more but despite all these I know I’ll regret it if anything really happens to you. Simply because you matter to me and I know the anger will just subside someday. But you twisted my goodness and substitute it with your own thinking.
I feel that I have stand by you all these while and even back then when we are not even really close I always bother to find out what’s in your life and your troubles. Ask yourself honestly haven’t I always been by your side for the past three years. If you feel this doubtful and uncertain about me and this friendship then I think we should both walk away from it.
I feel unappreciated, hurt, betrayed and tired. If you want to know more …ask Eric about it. But I feel my time has come and this is just not meant to be after all. So this is it….goodbye ll.
And always remeber this is what you wrote about me....
" You know, there's one night, i was really surprised that "someone" would msg me to come online. in fact, i was a little afraid cos i thought something had happened to her. So when i reached home, i immediately went online... to find out that i fallen into a trap.how nice of you to help a guy to betray me... *clap clap* best fren? whatever.i can't believe i said that last sentence.You know what a "best fren" will do? a best fren will tell me ALL about it and asked me what really happened. not keep me in the dark and play along with the guy, get it? Eric told me everything. This is what a LOYAL friend will do. Not like you... acting as if, "oh, how's life?"actually.. just whatever lah. dun wanna waste my space on my blog for this. not worth it."
Y 10:58 PM
Friday, October 12, 2007
He says:jus wanna tell u tt..
He says:from tt day when u msg me tt i hv no chance for 2 times, one time in sch another in hp, and once not telling me if i hv any chance on the third time due to maybe u don wanna hurt me and last time upon telling me tt u hv someone tt u like is in ur company when u're in singapore, i somehow know it's not possible for me to even get close to u... and telling myself to become ur fren and knowing ur happening events tt u hv in ur life is enough or content... i don't why.. somehow no matter wat i still hv a likening for u... and i wanted to wait for three years after to prove to u tt i'm a guy which u could depend on... but it's seems tt u hv someone u like... and hopefully he wun do anything to hurt u, and if he does... i could say other than ur bro would stand out for u... i'll be the other guy who do tt too... As for the present, i'll still send it.. coz i told myself to honor every of the word which i say to u and i do hope to send u a christmas present which u like.. i don know wat to write anymore... wat's gonna happen between us, let nature take course...
He says:and hopefully we could drop each other msg at times when we're free to tell us tt we still do rmb abt u or me..
He says:i don't know wat to write anymore but to hope tt u're always happy...
I msn him telling him to give up on me because i already have someone in mind and hope he will find someone soon.This is just so sad but i really cannot make myself to like him because i don't like him more than a friend( at least this i am pretty sure for now) and i don't think it is right for me to leave him hanging down there...This is something i cannot help it and there is no better solution for such stuff.I realise i have being letting down guys all my life...maybe i'll get bad karma or something like tat.I had a conversation with ryl ryl yesterday night.
ps( sidetrack....i think $530 for that mickey mouse dmob 900 is FAR TOO EX!!!!!!!!!!!!)
meow meow :
i told ivan yesterdya tta i like someone n ask him to give up on me
meow meow :
n i will understand if he dun wnana give me the hp anymore
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
lollllllllllll
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
eh what's the point if he knows anyway
meow meow :
i dun wan him to think tat i am giving him a chance by accepting his gift
meow meow :
cuz a few days ago my nick was like say u love me tat kind
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
nono, i mean he ask who is the guy, but so what if he know who is the guy lol
meow meow :
den he reply if it makes u feel better i say i love u..but if u find it disgusting den can ignore me ..bb
meow meow :
ohh anyway i anyhw lie to him one
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
omg
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
=S
meow meow :
i dun have anyone in mind
meow meow :
yeaaa wen he type tat...dat's wen i realise i must make things stright to him
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
yeaa i thought so but he's still like don wanna give up
meow meow :
especailly he seems so happy n excited wen i am going back for holidas and how much effort he put in to find tat phone for me and the amt of money he spent
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
=SSS
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
icic
meow meow :
yeaaa
meow meow :
i think four years is really too long already
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
*sigh* den now after you talk to him he's still like not giving up?
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
omggggggggggggg
▒(▒-▒e▒2▒y▒L▒
>________________________________< ba ="SS">
i've decided to put my experience out for everyone to see...Guys falls into these caterogery..or at least those that i've meet
1) like u but refuse to come close to you..in fact will hurry run opposite direction if they see u
2)face saver ...die also dun wanna admit tat they like u but do everything to show they like u
3) cannot get u den cut off all contact and make it it's ur fault ur lost
4)reject still hang on
5)always waiting patiently and quietly for an opportunity
6)more normal ones are tried ->failed->move on->still friends
7)pending kind
8)not very serious...go after u for the sake of having a gf or think u r nt a bad choice so just try lo
9) become stalkerish or obsess with you
As you see i am kinda feeling jaded already....bad things happen to me and i need to vent it out..guys really cannot make it!!!They should meditate on higher level stuff....I have carefully select the best song of all to meditate( http://service.5k3g.com/BizMMS/MMSSend.aspx?type=tring&id=10203&uid=10936 ) This should up up my good karma level...
Y 12:53 PM
Monday, September 24, 2007
ppl if u want me to continue blogging...leave some comment..it's getting increasingly boring..
Y 6:35 PM
Due to popular demand....ok actually just one( cheryl ) i decided to post up how i look.I dunno why they say i look slimmer but i seriously don't think so...and no everyone i did not slim down due to stress of homework.In fact i have not being doing much.....i ought to stop procrastinating....
Y 6:11 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wah i think i have officially gone mad!!!!!!!! i am actually listening to thishttp://service.5k3g.com/BizMMS/MMSSend.aspx?type=tring&id=10195&uid=10936 and i discover it brings me joy.I gotta close that darn ie window.Ok i better go watch some jap drama now
Y 7:15 PM
Friday, September 07, 2007
Ok it's 2.38am now and i am still not in bed...I have spend almost half of the day fidgting and another half of the day trying to get my internet protocol week 1-6 powerpoint slides in my head.I can say that am only half successful.Argh it's my mid year tomorrow and i am dead ashamed of myself for not studying earlier..It's like i always always procrastinate.Although i could most probably do more revision tomorrow morning ( the exam is at 5pm) but suddenly i feel so tired.I think i have being thinking a lot about issues that it drain my energy away.I can't freakin concentrate on my studies which is very very wrong.Because my motive in here is to study and get good grades.Not to indulge in some lame friendship crap that has to do with i-think-he-likes-me-but-is-giving -up.It's a waste of my time and energy and effort.It took me almost three weeks to realise that but enough is enough.Only i can stop myself, only i can make myself happy again.No matter what others say or do, if i subconsciously choose to be miserable, i will be.Besides i have not being getting answers from them so i shall not overly think about it.Sometimes i can be terribly pessimistic that in the end i realise i am just causing pain for myself.It is really really stupid.
And everyone being telling me just let them approach me,there is nothing more you can do,just do nothing about it.It took me some time but yea i do realise it is true.So yea =)Anyway was showering just now and i realise that i could have being in japan three days later if it wasn't for my darn assignment.And i felt so sad for missing that.Do you know how much i miss japan.Hey!! maybe i can go after tuesday( my mid year for operating system)...ok nvm!! my sister just sms me and say it is too late to get a tix now. =( wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i should plan in advance la!!! I am going to slap myself for some time!!!Stupid stupid stupid!Plssssssssssss god plsssssssssssss let me go...if i could i will be a good student ..i swear plssssssssssss i never want something that much.plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
okkkkk great my sister just reply and said tix need a week to process.i shall put my evil plan to rest now.
i am far too depressed to continue this entry....good night my lovely readers while i go dream of tokoyo.Oyasuminasai!!!!
Y 12:37 AM